Star Trek: Forever My Beloved
by VanillaJasmine
Summary: Same Love, Two Different Worlds. These chapters tell the story from both Spock and Uhura's points of view as their lives intertwine.
1. Chapter 1: Settling In

**Chapter 1: Settling In  
**  
The late summer breeze was warm and gentle. Uhura lay on the grass in a quiet corner of the campus grounds, eyes shut, just listening to the trees and the soft evening sounds. Sunday was drawing to a close yet it was still light and pleasant out. She opened her eyes and blinked at the sky, it was a cool blue colour, tinged with orange and pink streaks. Dusk and dawn were her two favourite times of day, they held a serenity that was often unfound during the busy days at the academy. She propped herself up on her elbows and surveyed the grounds sleepily, there were few students around, most were still unpacking and settling in for the new term, buying last minute books and equipment, or brushing up on things from last semester they had forgotten. She grinned at the thought of other students unplanned panic and felt and inward pride at her own organisational skills throughout the summer break, and her motivation to keep practicing her xenolinguistics. She picked up her PADD and unlocked it. 20:00hrs, she should be getting back to her dorm but the thought that her over frisky roommate Gaila may be occupying it with a new male friend made her decide to delay her actions. She brought up her timetable to check what time her lectures were tomorrow. 08:00hrs; 2hr advanced xenolinguistic lecture. She then remembered that the class would be expecting a new teacher, as their previous professor had sadly passed away in the summer due to illness. The thought excited her. She had always been professor Vaulidians favourite student and would be dammed if she wasn't going to continue to be favourite with the new teacher. She knew one thing of the new professor; that he was Commander Spock, the half Vulcan, half human, so immediately assumed she would have no problem in acquiring his respect as a perfect student. If she could previously do so with a full blooded Vulcan, he should be easy. With an optimistic feeling for the next day, she got up quickly and walked briskly towards the dorm building, she needed to rest if she was going to be able to impress the new professor.

Spock sat at his office desk lost in his task of last minute preparations for his first lecture tomorrow. He scribbled notes and reminders onto his PADD while the laser documenter recorded listings he had made for his space sciences lessons. He finished his sentence and tilted his head to look at the clock. 01:00hrs. The time urged him to stop, and looking at the notes he had made, he was satisfied that it would be only logical to go to his quarters to rest. He needed to be ready for tomorrow. He locked the office door and silently made his way down the corridors that were lit by the cold light of the moon. His quarters were spacious, two large rooms, a sitting room containing a kitchen, and a bedroom that lead off to a bathroom. He felt the quarters were a luxury but a wasted one, as it was more than what he needed. He did not bother with the lights, he simply made his was to the bathroom, cleaned his teeth and changed out of his charcoal Starfleet uniform into a simple black t-shirt and soft grey trousers, some of the few, what a human may call 'casual' pieces of clothing he possessed. He got in the left side of the bed, not disturbing the perfectly made right side and stared up at the ceiling. He was relaxed, yet there was an uncomfortable emotion akin to nerves that made him feel restless. He shut his eyes and breathed deeply, purging it from his mind, and managed to drift off to sleep.

06:00hrs and Uhura was up and in the shower. She resisted the urge to sing as Gaila was still sleeping, and surely would be for most of the morning as she did not have a class until the evening. The water was hot yet refreshing, just how she liked it and the smell of cocoa, vanilla and jasmine woke her senses. She was in and out of the bathroom in twenty minutes, as she gathered her things and packed them neatly into her small leather backpack she gazed out the window. It was still what anyone would consider dawn, even though the sun would have risen around an hour ago it shone crisp and brightly across the campus lawns and lit up the buildings. Dressed in her red cadet dress and freshly buffed boots, she swung her backpack onto her shoulder and picked up her portable music player from the nightstand. She left the dorm walking down the hallway listening to the immersing yet feather like 4th string quartet of the Andorian galactic orchestra. The serene yet lively compilation of notes matched the mood of the morning awakening around her. She first went to the mess hall to get a cup of strong cream coffee with extra sugar before heading out into the clear morning. She had a favourite bench on the academy grounds, it was secluded from the main paths between buildings but offered the perfect view of the campus. Situated under a small palecktori tree, which originated on Romulus yet had been adapted to earths climate by some of the advance xenobotanists, was the small stone bench she adopted as her own. She sat with her bag by her side, drew her knees up to her stomach and sipped her deliciously sweet coffee as if it were a rare and precious nectar. As she did so, she shut her eyes and recited some key phrases in Vulcan, Andorian, Romulan and Klingon, ready for her lecture in a few hours time. She felt very prepared.

05:00hrs. The sun cast a long orange beam into Spock's bedroom. He woke naturally and breathed deeply, letting his mind wander through broken images and words from the dream he had been having whilst adjusting to reality. He faced the made up right side of the bed and allowed his hand to quietly hover above the sheets, perfectly steady, precisely one-point-seven-five centimetres from the cotton. He studied his hand and forearm. His skin was soft and pale, yet it seemed to be ghostly white compared to the marl grey of the sheet. He judged his fingers to be long, longer than a humans, yet one would probably not be able to tell unless a direct comparison or study was made. He rose, made his bed and proceeded to prepare himself for the day ahead. He showered, shaved and dressed as normal, and then carried on to his kitchen to make morning tea for himself. The sun was still only beginning to peek above the few clouds in the sky as he waited for the kettle to bring the water to boiling point. He stared at the tea leaves in the strainer perched on his cup and went through his morning lecture in his head. Yes, it ran smoothly and contained tasks that were both logical and challenging in a hope to stimulate his new advanced students intellect. He proceeded to his office at 05:45hrs to continue to make the necessary preparations for his lectures for the rest of the term. His office was a quiet space off the busy corridors but a convenient distance to his lecture theatre, it faced east, so as he entered the room, he was greeted by sunlight that bathed the room, giving it a feeling of home. The sight of the room in the light bought up memories of when he was a child on Vulcan, and the mornings where he would retreat to his fathers study to read and be greeted by the same sunlight, that threw the furnitures shadows softly around the room whilst providing enough light to work in. He sat at his desk and allowed himself to once more become absorbed in his work.


	2. Chapter 2: First Encounters

**Chapter 2: First Encounters  
**  
The door swooshed to a close behind Uhura and she descended the steps of the empty lecture theatre to her favourite seat. Her long ponytailed hair swished as she approached her row. Second row from the front, forth seat in from the isle on the right. She clunked down her second mug of coffee, trying hard not to spill it before taking a seat herself. 07:45hrs. Fifteen minutes early. She placed her PADD squarely on the table in front of her and rummaged around in her bag for a styli, placing it in alignment to the little computer. The theatre had not changed a bit since the previous semester, she occupied herself by reading her small book on ancient Vulcan poetic literature. She had found the copy hidden behind piles of Andorian dictionaries at the Academy's book shop and felt like the luckiest girl in the world and had to buy it immediately. Each poem spoke of love. A rare emotion to be shown by a Vulcan let alone written about. Some believed that they were a species incapable of the emotion but from the poems she had read in the time worn book she possessed, she knew that statement was far from true. Although the subject of the poems were the same, the angle each one was written from was an entirely unique experience. A story of passion, forbidden loves, lost loves, unreachable loves, timeless loves, and transcribed using the deepest emotions and most thought provoking words. She was lost in the words of T'grane's moving writing style and almost leapt out of her skin when a voice spoke out to her.  
"Cadet..?" Commander Spock was standing at his desk below with a pile of books in his arms, she closed her poetry book sharply and composed herself to reply to him.  
"Uhura, sir." She quietly cleared her throat and fidgeted her feet, feeling like he had caught her up to no good.  
"You are early Cadet. You do know this class is not scheduled to begin for another twelve minutes?" he faced her directly, his expression unreadable. He didn't even look at the clock to inform her of how early she was. She knowingly half smiled at him in reply and played with the edges of the book in her lap as she studied his face. He stared at her for a moment, looking as if he had never been smiled at in his entire life, before nodding his head and moving to set his books down. Uhura cautiously opened the book in her lap again and began to read. She glanced up at the commander, he was sat perfectly poised at his desk, arranging his books and belongings, his expression just as it was, serious and contemplative, yet oddly serene and calm. Her head buzzed, that was not the ideal way she had envisioned making a first impression on the professor, she silently worried what he must think of her.

As the minutes past, Spock could feel the presence of Cadet Uhura in the rows above him. It was not an unpleasant presence, just a slightly awkward one. As he arranged his notes for the lesson, he could see her out of the corner of his eye. She would glance over at him once every two minutes, her eyes flitting as she looked about him. Unusually, he found himself wondering what she could be thinking, he had never had a student early for a lesson before, well at least not earlier than him. The hour drew in and cadets began to fill the lecture theatre and take their seats. He stood straight at the podium, hands behind his back and observed the students as they settled. Uhura was clutching a mug of what he presumed to be overly sweet coffee as it was the first smell he encountered as he entered the room earlier. The cadets had settled, so he began.  
"This class is Third Year Advanced Xenolinguistics. I am your new professor, Commander Spock." He looked around and accepted the attentive, calm reaction so continued, "From this point onwards, all lessons shall be delivered in Vulcan." He watched the reaction spread around the room, a few grumbles and groans, even one or two whimpers of what he guessed may be panic brought on by unpreparedness, but as he looked to Cadet Uhura, although she had her head down he believed he saw her trying to suppress a smile. He wasted no time in teaching the lesson and was pleased that the students managed to stay engaged and interested. At the end of the lesson, Spock collected in the answers the students had written. He held out his hand repetitively, but was forced to look up when a cadet did not pass him anything. Uhura was staring at him, clutching her notes. He raised and eyebrow.  
"Cadet, are you-"  
"That was a very engaging lesson Commander," she jolted back to life, cutting him off and handed him her piece of paper, he slowly took it from her, not dropping his eyes from hers, she blinked rapidly, "Professor Vaulidain used to be very.. Impressed by my work." He could see a quiet confidence in her face, so dropped his gaze and scanned her answers briefly, from what he read, they were accurate.  
"Indeed..." he replied quietly, "However, I am not Professor Vaulidain." he reminded her. She shifted from foot to foot.  
"Yes... Thank you, sir." she quietly turned and headed out of the lecture theatre, the door swooshed gently behind her, leaving the sound echoing around the empty room. Spock replayed the conversation over in his head and began to understand what Cadet Uhura may have meant, he then felt worried that be may have sounded like he was discrediting her work, saying it was inaccurate or disagreeing with the previous professors impressions, instead of meaning that he and professor Vaulidain were not the same person. He would have to set the record straight in their next lesson.

Uhura stared through the blackness at the ceiling. Her work cant have been wrong, it just wasn't, she knew it wasn't. She sat up and ran her hands through her hair as she looked at the clock. 02:14hrs, she had woken after having a nasty dream about odd space robots that vaporised people just by looking at them. Slowly, she swung her legs off the edge of the bed and let her feet find the floor. She scrunched the soft carpet between her toes and eased herself onto her feet. She tiptoed around Gailas bed, trying hard not to step on the floorboards that creaked, and entered the bathroom. The moonlight through the window reflected off the mirror before her allowing enough light to see in. She washed her face with water and stood staring at her reflection. She didn't understand why Commander Spocks words were bugging her so much. Her encounter with her new teacher had not gone as she had envisioned it. She made a decision, she would confront the Commander on what he meant when he looked at her work and said he wasn't professor Vaulidian. Drying her face, her mind felt more at rest, so she quietly exited the bathroom and crept back to bed.  
She awoke abruptly and the bright sunlight stung her eyes, screwing them shut, she stumbled out of bed and covered her face, slowly opening her eyes to give them time to adjust. Panic hit her, she glanced at the clock, 07:56hrs. Shit. Her class started at 08:00hrs. She swiftly put on underwear and yanked her dress over her head, grabbed her things and a hair tie. She dashed down the corridors, pushing past people and tying her unbrushed hair up at the same time. Luckily, a few cadets were still filling into the lecture theatre so she followed them in before making her way quickly to her seat and trying to not look to dishevelled. Commander Spock was standing at the podium with his PADD ready to begin the lesson, so she quickly got her book and PADD out, all the while avoiding eye contact with her professor until she felt ready. Spock began with the lesson and she scribbled things furiously to make up for her almost lateness. He had given them the task of translating an old Vulcan transmission into third dialect Romulan, not an easy task, as he walked around handing back the papers he had taken from the students yesterday. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he approached and put her paper down on her desk. His hands were pale, like porcelain, but had a gently quality to them, and his fingers fitted together next to each other perfectly with beautifully sculpted nails on the end. She silently wondered what his hands would feel like to hold, but quickly shook her head clear of the thought as the Commander spoke to her.  
"Cadet Uhura, may I speak with you at the end?" he asked her in a whisper, she nodded in reply and he left her to continue with her work. As he went by, she glanced at the paper, lots of ticks, but not comments. She was confused. It would be another thing she had to ask him.

Spock stood by his desk and watched the cadets file out, all accept one. Uhura picked up her things and made her way towards him. Her face was expressionless yet she looked tired, her eyes looked darker than usual and she had no make-up on. She stood before him.  
"Commander." her tone was passive,  
"I wanted to make sure that you understood what I meant yesterday when I said I was not Professor Vaulidain." he watched her face, she raised her eyebrows and looked more attentive so he continued, "I merely meant that we are not the same person, I do however agree with his judgement upon your work; you are an exceptional student Uhura." Her reaction surprised yet intrigued him, as a huge grin broke out across her face, exposing a set of beautiful white teeth.  
"Thank you professor, my studies are important to me." He could see her quiet confidence again and knew that recognition was important to her. She left the room with an elevated step, he silky black hair swishing as her slender feet touch the ground. Spock found himself gazing at her legs, so sharply tore his eyes away, looking about to see if anyone saw him staring. The presence of the room shifted once she had gone, and he felt a strange wave of, almost relief wash over him. He pondered the emotion, and decided that he must be worn out from staring a new job and facing so many new cadets. Happy with that conclusion, he turned to his computer, checking through equations and reading up on Vulcan science structures on the physical premises of fleet war ships for his class later.  
Dusk approached and the working day had long finished. Spock exited his office and walked out onto the campus grounds. There were some cadets around. They mostly sat in groups on the grass with PADDs and books, listening to music and chatting. Spock had observed this behaviour to be an agreeable way of spending time with ones friends and 'catching up' on the day events. The evening was pleasant, as they often were this time of year and the light complimented the Starfleet Academy grounds. As he looked out across the grounds, the shadows from a Palecktori tree caught his eye. The small tree had deep purple colour leaves and the light reflected between them in a symmetrically pleasing way. Onunder mech under then tree, he noticed the outline of a figure. Cadet Uhura was sat peacefully with her legs crossed, mug of what he presumed to be coffee in one hand, and a small book in the other. She looked calm, enjoying the serenity that sat in solitude offered against the bustle of campus life. Looking at her, he felt the presence he had felt when she was in his classroom. He allowed himself to feel somewhat comforted by it, but then again, found he had stopped and stared, this time, definitely in public. He quickly picked himself up and moved on at a fast walk, his heart rate had elevated somewhat.


	3. Chapter 3: Knight in Shining Armour

**Chapter 3: Knight in Shining Armour  
**  
Uhura walked quickly, pulling her scarf up over her mouth and chin against the biting early winter wind. Autumn had definitely drawn to a close allowing the land to be swept with the first signs of the cold season. Novembers brought a certain gloom to the campus, making it look tired and cold. Uhura believed it looked exactly how she felt at this stage in the term. Her first Advanced Xenolinguistics paper was due in at the end of the month and she had only just finished her second draft. She dashed up the small flight of stairs that led to the languages library and clunked the heavy door open, trying hard to hold it against the wind as it closed behind her so it didn't slam. 09:23hrs, there were half a dozen or so students already sat in plush chairs with books, or using their PADDs, or at a computer screen typing away. She recognised a few faces but was not there to socialise. The library was large, large enough to be spread over two floors and had a rather beautiful fireplace planted majestically in the centre of the room, almost as if it had been sat there comfortably for centuries, and the library had grown around it. Her paper was on the treaty struggles between Vulcan and Andorian in 2198.4, and assessed both species sides of the arguments that took place. She was analysing their language and logic used and writing each point of view in that dialect. The drafts she had had reviewed by Commander Spock showed that errors she made were mostly when writing in Andorian, so she headed straight for the Andorian section of the library and grabbed as many books as she could find on language, structure and logic and thudded them down on the desk next to a computer. She signed into it's interface, watching the little planet graphics orbiting each other as she waited for her user profile to load. She read through the comments Spock had made on her work, and found herself paying more attention to his handwriting than the actual words. It was neat handwriting, the letters perfectly joined and equal sized. It made her think of his hands again, and the equality his fingers seemed to possess as well. Over the course of the term, she had grown to respect the professor and was pleased to say that she had earned his respect in return. Her computer chimed to life making her jump out of her daydream to instantly turn the volume down. She looked around, a few faces were staring at her, she blinked rapidly, shrugging off the sudden distraction she had caused.  
Four hours later, Uhura had pieced together her third draft. She wrung her hands out in front of her and cricked her neck, her body had set into a typing position. She cross-commed the draft to Commander Spock and hoped he would be able to look at it before their next class. She paid little attention as she put the books back and almost had a heart attack when Gaila suddenly jumped out of nowhere with an excited look in her eyes.  
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" she exclaimed in a loud whisper, "I hope you haven't forgot about Tips party tonight?" Uhura's mind clicked, she had, she just hoped her face didn't show it,  
"No, course not!" She smiled, and felt she was actually looking forward to it.  
"Great, well we only have four hours to get ready!" Uhura thought this was more than enough time, but before she could protest, Gaila had grabbed her arm and was leading her out of the library.

An alert on his computer caught Spock's attention. He opened the cross-comm message and found it was from Cadet Uhura, another draft on her term paper no doubt. Reading it through, he felt pleased with her progression and ability to act on his previous notes, he could see the changes she had made. He marked through it thoroughly and as he finished, was disturbed by a knock at his office door.  
"Enter." He said clearly. A small administrator man with spiked blonde hair walked in and handed him a key card.  
"Here is your access card for the new planetarium observatory. Staff access is granted this month." he placed the card in Spock's hand,  
"Thank you." he replied respectively, he would go and investigate it later today.  
18:00hrs. Spock walked along by the campus dorm building and was almost glad he put a coat on. The evening was cold, a lot colder than the morning had been. He examined the keycard in his hand. It had the words 'Planetarium Observatory' printed along the top in silver letters and Spock's name, command, fields of expertise and Starfleet number printed below. He traced the raised letters with his fingers. The card reminded him of the little cards people use here on Earth to access their money accounts. He thought of the first time he had got issued with an Earth money card, and of the encounter he had with Cadet Uhura a few weeks ago when she had accidentally left hers in class after a lesson, and had returned a few hours later in a blind panic, disturbing his second years Vulcan Science lesson, but overflowing with gratitude at the fact he had kept it safe for her. He pondered how such a small card can cause a person to feel such strong emotions but was disturbed at a distant sound of laughter and chatter. He looked up and stared through the looming grey of dusk as he walked. Sparkly clothing glinted in the light as three figures made their way up the path towards him. Sounds of heeled shoes and elevated chatter echoed off the walls of the buildings and he immediately knew the approaching people were female. As they drew nearer, their arms linked through one another's and a spring in their step, he made out one of the women. He was taken aback by the sight of Uhura in a tight fitting pair of leather trousers, a pair of golden, dangerous looking high heels and a sequin top that matched the colour of her shoes and glinted as she walked. He stepped to the side and allowed them to pass, she noticed him and he saw her smile shyly deflecting her eyes from him before glancing at him again, her friends still gabbled away as they walked. The corners of Spock's mouth turned up slightly at the sight of her bashfulness as he didn't understand why she showed the emotion when she looked so striking. He approached the planetarium observatory and entered the key card, enjoying the memory of his brief encounter with Uhura and seeing her in a different light.

The girls hadn't noticed Commander Spock, and Uhura was inwardly glad. They would have grilled her if they saw her blush as he walked passed her. She worried, as she knew Vulcans were not known for their partying and prayed that the Commander would not think less of her or her intellect for attending one. These thoughts played on her mind, so she was glad when she could see the flashing lights of the campus bar and hear the music. She shrugged it off and entered the small building with her friends. It was dark and loud and filled with students celebrating Friday night, a long standing Earth tradition that had not changed for centuries. The whole bar got involved in Tip's birthday party. Uhura sat at a table with her five closest friends on their seventh round of Vega Cracklers. It had to be her favourite drink as it had a distinct fizz after every sip. They talked and danced the night away and by 03:00hrs, the party was calming, yet everyones buzz wasn't. Uhura sat at the bar and gulped down her god-only-knows-what-number shot of jack. She squinted through the fiery kick, looking about the bar that was beginning to sway. She had had enough for the night. She located Gaila across the room making out with some equally drunk college guy and went over to tell her she was going to leave.  
"G-Gaila," she shook her arm and then had to steady herself on the table, "I'm gunna, go, home." She didn't hear Gaila's muffled reply but assumed she said okay. She got to the bar door and leaned heavily on it, like she weighed a ton, feeling sick. She shook it off and made her way outside. It was freezing, and pitch black, and spinning, yet she found herself laughing as she staggered along. She felt an inward shame at letting herself get so drunk, but it was a fleeting feeling as she didn't really care right now. She had felt so stressed by her xenolinguistics paper, and trying to make a good impression on Commander Spock that it was nice to let it go, even if she was going to be paying for it tomorrow. Haha. She laughed at the expression that would be on Spock's face if he saw her now. The image distracted her and she lost her balance in her ridiculously high shoes, falling onto her hands and knees. She groaned, she had definitely had enough now and wanted to be in bed. The floor span beneath her. She knew getting up would be tough. She willed herself to her feet, and all of a sudden, she was on them. Confused, she staggered around to see the face she had just been laughing in her imagination at standing before her. She had a dumb grin on her face and giggled. She could feel Spock's warm, strong hands holding her up by the shoulders so she looked at one, his skin bright against the darkness but look so soft.  
"Cadet Uhura," his tone was serious, but had an air of concern, "May I ask what you are doing?" she mimicked him,  
"May I ask what you are doing?" she giggled, feeling more and more detached from reality and began to wonder if she hadn't been drugged.  
"I am keeping you on your feet, Cadet." The Vulcan clearly hadn't noticed her sarcasm. His face was expressionless, and the last thing Uhura remembered seeing as she blacked out.

Spock laid Uhura gently down on his bed. She was out cold. He removed her golden shoes, put them by the side of the bed and got a blanket out of the wardrobe to cover her with. Although she was overwhelmed by alcohol she still looked pleasantly serene. He went into the bathroom, changed and brushed his teeth before fetching another blanket and a pillow and proceeding to the living room. He got comfortable on the couch. Luckily it was a big couch so his feet were not falling off the end. As he drifted off to sleep, he praised his timing on leaving the Planetarium Observatory so late, if he had left earlier, he would not have been able to help Uhura.  
He rose, stretched and looked at the clock. 07:45hrs. The sun was only just beginning to wake up itself, so he asked the computer to switch the lights on a dim setting. Quietly, he folded his blanket and took the pillow back into his bedroom. Cadet Uhura was still asleep, he could hear her soft breathing. He opened the wardrobe, put the things away and clicked it shut. He was about to exit the room when he heard Uhura's breathing change. He turned to face her and she stretched her arms out, opening her eyes slightly.  
"Oh my god," she murmured and covered her face, he softly cleared his throat to make his presence aware to her. She slowly sat up and looked at him. He watched her expressions change. Her eyebrows furrowed together and he could see her thinking, he didn't say anything, he merely waited for her to get herself together. Her expression fell,  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice was croaky. Her eyes darted around the room and up and down his body while her face grew concerned, "How did I g-... Did we..?"  
"No, Cadet." he answered flatly, "I found you last night and you fell unconscious, so I bought you back here, as I do not know where your dorm is and I would know you would be safe."  
He kept his eyes on hers, they looked tired and dark and she accepted his statement. She slipped out of the blanket and gently lowered her feet to the floor. Spock watched as she sat with her head in her hands, unsure of how to deal with a 'hungover' human, but he felt the need to speak his mind.  
"Uhura, I believe your actions last night were illogical. Why you would choose to put yourself in that state I do not know but-" She groaned from beneath her hands cutting him off,  
"Everyone needs to let it all go occasionally Commander." her voice was irritated,  
"Yes but not to the point where you are putting yourself in danger." his tone was forceful,  
"But I wasn't in danger, I was. Fine." she rubbed her eyes and stood up,  
"If I had not been there you would be face down on the campus lawns at this moment." he could see pain in her eyes, she bent down and picked up her shoes before facing him again,  
"Well thank you, your my knight in shining armour. I so obviously cannot take care of myself." Her tone was sarcastic. She rolled her eyes, rubbed her forehead and without another word, left his quarters leaving Spock slightly confused with the situation. Perhaps that was not the right way of dealing with someone who is hungover.


	4. Chapter 4: A System of Stars

**Chapter 4: A System of Stars**

08:00hrs. Uhura walked in an irritated hurry, her bare feet gently patting the old carpet of the dorms hallways as she went. Her head was pounding and she had the stale, dry aftertaste of alcohol in her mouth. Why did Spock always have to be so 'logical'? Does he just wake up in a cloud of logic? Even at an unbearable time in the morning? Her head pounded with each thought of the Commander, and she shiftily looked around to check no-one was watching her in her hungover state. She stopped outside her door, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't bother digging out her key as she knew Gaila would have been too drunk to lock the door. She opened it and was hit by the stench of old booze and cheap sex. Gaila was sprawled out on her bed asleep with a rather unattractive cadet lying on top of her. Uhura wrinkled her nose, thinking how trampy her friend could be at times. She suddenly felt sick again, so proceeded to open a window before walking into the bathroom to get a drink of water. As she drank, she looked at her wrecked appearance in the mirror and had to stop. She put down the cup, still feeling sick and stared. Her hair was the biggest mess she had ever seen - she looked as if she had been dragged through a hedge backwards! Her eyes were black as coal, all of her make-up had run; and this had been what she looked like the entire time Spock was being irritatingly concerned for her welfare? In fact, how long had she looked like this? If the Commander found her like this yesterday, no wonder he felt compelled to save her! She pursed her lips and squinted, she was definitely going to be sick now.  
She started to feel a little better as she took a shower, the soothing smells of her body wash soaking into her hungover skin. She closed her eyes as the hot water rained down through her hair and over her shoulders. The warmth on her arms made her remember the warmth in Spock's hands last night when he had found her, and so easily held her up. She replayed the events over in her head. She saw broken images of his face, the genuine concern in his eyes . She remember how she had mimicked him, laughed at him even, and felt increasingly more awful. And then to top it all off how she shunned his attempts at making her understand this morning. She switched off the shower abruptly and stood there staring at the tiled wall feeling ashamed of herself. He respected her, cared enough about her - more than she realised - to go out of his way to help her and she was completely and utterly rude. She got dressed, cleaned her teeth for the second time, tied her hair back and applied some mascara. She ordered herself to go to his quarters immediately and apologise. Thats if he would even forgive her, she sure knew she would be pissed off is someone she helped had been that rude. One last look in the mirror and she felt as if she could cry. Her actions were crushing her and she felt almost sure she wouldn't be able to make amends from this.

Something about the events of the morning made Spock feel rather tired. His shower had taken him longer than usual as he would just stop periodically, almost forgetting what he was doing. He drank his tea slowly too, just staring blankly at the coffee table in front of where he sat. He thought of his conversation with Cadet Uhura and his mind felt rather empty, almost sad. He also felt angry that he had not responded in the correct way to a person suffering the consequences of high alcohol consumption. Unsure of what to do to remedy the situation he thought it best be left alone for now. To give Uhura a chance to get the alcohol out of her system, to 'sober up' as the Cadets would put it. He washed up his tea cup and decided he would head back to the Planetarium Observatory to see if he could continue plotting the small system of stars he had located orbiting Saturn last night.  
The corridors were quiet. Saturday mornings were always subdued as he understood that most Cadets enjoyed sleeping in on the weekends. He pondered the idea of sleeping in and wondered what it must be like. He was always up before 08:00hrs at the latest, to sleep beyond that would surely be a waste of a good day? He then had to remind himself that humans required more sleep than Vulcans, and the concept started to look different from that point of view. He entered his key card and was granted access with a pleasant bleep and a green light. Once again the place was empty and he was inwardly grateful for this. He did not mind working with and in the presence of others, but found he could really submerge himself if he was alone. The computer quickly loaded his work from yesterday. He engaged the telescope and plotted the coordinates of the stars. The technology was incredibly efficient and allowed him to thoroughly investigate the system of stars. He looked through the telescope and examined them closely. They each glinted and glimmered, tiny infernos moving in orbit. The sparkles reminded him of Cadet Uhura's clothing, the top she had been wearing last night. He felt the blank and weary emotions surrounding the thought of her, creeping up on him again, so scolded himself and cast all thoughts that were not work related aside. This star system was an important find, and it would be unprofessional to let himself be distracted at such an early stage in his find. Just as he had managed to focus solely on his work, the alert signal on the door bleeped loudly across them room. He got up, leaving his work to check what was happening. The little computer pad showed there was a person outside requesting permission to enter. He sighed, really not wanting to be disturbed, but knew it would be rude to ignore them, so briskly opened the door and found Cadet Uhura standing before him.

Uhura retraced her steps walking back down the corridors purposefully towards Commander Spock's quarters. She planned what she was going to say in her head, a straight forward, straight to the point, very heartfelt and sincere apology. She really did feel awful. At his quarters, she knocked confidently on the door and waited. There was no reply, and after a minute, she figured he must be in his office. At his office, she could see straight through the door window, that he wasn't in there either. Confused over his whereabouts, she decided to go to the mess hall to get a coffee. There was a small chance he could be there, she thought to herself as she walked. The hall was busy as it catered for the late breakfast of the cadets. As she made herself a cup of coffee from the water boilers she realised how hungry she was. The smell of bacon, eggs, omelettes, waffles and pastries filled the air amongst the morning chatter, so she decided to grab a croissant. She turned, pastry and coffee in hand and was startled by a confrontation with Gaila.  
"Hey! Where'd you get to last night? Someone get a little drunk fun?" she teased, her eyes searching hers for answers. Uhura panicked slightly, she didn't want to tell her the truth, that Spock had saved her and she had slept in his quarters, she would never believe nothing happened between them,  
"No, no I didn't.." she paused, "I blacked out... Woke up in a hedge. So not glamorous." she tried to sound convincing, but wasn't sure Gaila was buying it so turned the attention onto her, "But you definitely got some 'drunk fun'." she laughed and Gaila wrinkled her face,  
"I've had better." she laughed. Uhura started to walk away, but stopped and turned back to her,  
"Hey, have you seen Commander Spock?" she asked, Gaila didn't even bother turning away from the food counter,  
"Nope!" she shouted. Ah well, Uhura thought it was worth asking.  
She finished her breakfast and carried on to the library, she had seen him there before so thought it was worth a look. She walked down all the aisles. Spock was no where to be found. She slumped in a chair in front of a computer and went over her apology in her head again, she still felt bad. Where could he be? Frustrated, she stared at the computer and remembered it could locate people! Quickly, she brought up the location box and typed in 'Commander Spock'. The result was instant. 'Commander Spock, Planetarium Observatory.' She got to her feet and set off.  
The door opened and there he was. Wearing simple black trousers and a dark blue jumper, he looked different in casual clothes. In fact, she had never seen him in anything other than his uniforms, so it was almost strange, but not unpleasant. He looked at her, with his dark eyes and unreadable expression. His face perfect and pale and the neck line of his jumper complementing the angles of his jaw and cheekbones. She found herself distracted, so forced herself to talk.  
"Commander, may I speak with you?" she said quietly,  
"Certainly." He stepped aside and gestured for her to enter the room. She suddenly felt very lucky, students were not meant to be allowed in here until December. She looked about the room, distracted by everything but was bought back down to Earth by Spock staring at her.  
"What was it you wanted to see me for Cadet Uhura?" his tone was calm and reassuring.  
"Please, call me Nyota.. You may as well after last night..." her words trailed off,  
"Nyota," he reflected on her name as he said it and she felt a flutter in her chest,  
"Actually, last night is what I'm here about," she paused and took a breath, his eyes never leaving hers, "I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I was so rude to you, so rude, when you were only looking out for me and went out of your way to help me..." she looked down and knotted her fingers together in front of her.  
"Nyota, I realise my words this morning may have been less than appropriate for someone in your state to have dealt with," she cut him off, she didn't want him to feel sorry for anything,  
"No, no!" she protested, "Not at all, you were right, completely right. It is foolish to get that drunk. I shouldn't need alcohol as an escape, its a slippery slope." She breathed a laugh and stepped closer to him, "Just.. Thank you." She leaned up and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek, his skin felt soft beneath her lips. She looked back into his eyes, his beautiful dark eyes and her breathing caught slightly, and she felt a dozen more butterflies flutter in her chest.

Spock's hands twitched by his sides as he gazed into Uhura's smouldering, apologetic eyes. He breathed slowly and deeply, filling his lungs with the sweet scent of her. He fought back the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her, to kiss her, as it wouldn't be right, or fair to her as protocol is strict on student/teacher relationships, even if they are practically only a few years apart in age. He closed his eyes briefly breaking their gaze and shuffled back slightly. He could see she was waiting for a reaction from him,  
"It was not a problem," he stated, quietly but confidently, "So long as you do not plan on repeating the endeavour anytime soon." He watched the corners of her mouth break out into a small smile and she laughed,  
"No, I won't be, don't you worry." She shook her head as she spoke, then shuffled from foot to foot looking a little nervous, "Well thank you again, for your time.. I should leave you.." she looked back into his eyes again and suddenly, he didn't want her to go.  
"Well," he began, "If you are in no great hurry, I could show you some of the aspects of the Observatory?" He felt pang of shyness as she looked back up at him with wonder in her eyes,  
"Really?" she beamed eagerly, "That would be, amazing!"  
He showed her around the new facilities and how they worked, she was engaged and interested and Spock felt himself relax in her company. She seemed relaxed too. Responsive to the things he explained and showed her but in a more personal manner, less professional than how she replies in the classroom. He liked that she felt comfortable around him too.  
"Sit up here," Spock gestured to the chair in front of the telescope and watched as Uhura moved cautiously towards it, "I would like to show you what I discovered yesterday and have been working on." This seemed to reassure her so she popped up onto the seat and looked through the lens.  
"I can't see anything," She was anticipating his work,  
"That is because I have not reset the coordinates yet." he replied as he punched the last few numbers into the computer. The telescope reset it's position and Uhura looked through it again, this time she gasped. He watched an awe inspired smile spread across her face and could not help but smile himself.  
"It's.. incredible.." she blurted out loudly,  
"It is a small system of stars that are slowly progressing around Saturn. I am tracking their orbit." he explained coolly to her. She turned to look at him, her face was filled with amazement. She had a last quick look before hopping down from the chair,  
"So what course do you think they will take?" she asked as she approached him. He was reading the charts on the computer screen and felt her presence next to him,  
"I do not know," he sighed, staring at the chart so far, "There interstellar movement is unlike any other I have seen." He turned to face Uhura, she was inches away from him, her eyes studying the screen. He watched her concentration, he liked to watch her work, she had pleasant expressions. She drew her eyes away from the screen and met his,  
"Well you will have to keep me updated." She smiled warmly at him and he felt an unrecognised, yet pleasing emotion flow through him,  
"It will be my pleasure to, Nyota." he replied softly. Her eyes read deeply into his and he heard her breathing catch, a few silent seconds past between them,  
"I'm afraid I have things to do," she echoed his earlier soft tone, "Thank you.. For showing me all of this." She sighed quietly and blinked. Spock watched her long eyelashes move with perfect precision and he studied her features. His hands twitched by his sides again and he felt he could not simply stand there and do nothing. He looked into her eyes and glanced at her lips, as he slowly tilted his head towards her and kissed her.


	5. Chapter 5: Weightless on Earth

**Chapter 5: Weightless on Earth**

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the kind comments so far! I am glad that you are enjoying it. All your words really mean a lot to me and I hope you continue to find the story compelling! I will try my best to update within 3 days. (So long as I don't get really bad writers block!)**

The rain drummed against the window pane and the dark clouds shrouded the room in a sullen Sunday afternoon gloom. Uhura sat on her bed listening to the rhythm of the falling water change as it fell in waves of various intensity. The books in front of her laid open at bookmarked pages yet had not been read, she was gazing absentmindedly into the distance ahead of her. She studied Spock's features again and again in her mind, the conflict of feelings she saw in his eyes and the way he had elegantly lowered his lips to meet hers. There was something about that kiss, something that made it different from any other kiss she had received - not that, to be honest, she had received many - but this one, it was decisive and strong, yet in some way reserved but filled with feeling. His lips had fit so perfectly with hers and she had no idea how long it had lasted, but she wished it had lasted longer. She pressed her lips together at the memory of yesterday and then suddenly found a green face inches away from hers.  
"Are you okay? You look like you have seen a ghost! You didn't even notice me come in and start talking to you three minutes ago." Gaila spouted in a concerned yet irritated voice. Uhura shook her head and smiled softly,  
"Oh sorry, it's just this, darn xenolinguistics paper!" Nicely covered up, she thought and patted herself on the back. Gaila looked around at all the books on the bed and nodded in approval of her answer.  
"Astro-navigator papers don't have to be in until the new term next year." She bragged in a friendly way, Uhura rolled her eyes and noticed that her friend was in her track suit.  
"Have you been to the gym?" She asked her,  
"No, I went space fishing for garden gnomes." she replied sarcastically, Uhura laughed,  
"Did the swimming pool look quiet?" She looked to Gaila who nodded with her mouth full as she had started putting the calories she had just burned back on by eating a donut. "Great, I could do with a break." Not that she had actually done any work, but she just needed to swim, to clear her head and sort out her thoughts regarding Spock.  
The swimming pool was virtually empty, there were only two others there. Uhura wasted no time in getting in, she stood with her feet squarely at the edge and neatly dove in. The sudden rush of the water felt cold so she used the sensation to spur her on and swim a few lengths. She loved swimming as it allowed her to feel weightless on Earth. The water soothed her and she found the activity a calming way of relieving stress. After a few lengths, she stopped at the side of the pool, her head felt clearer and her body calmer. She submerged herself and swam gracefully but quickly under the surface to the deepest part of the pool. She resurfaced in the deeper blue and allowed herself to float on her back, the water gently filling her ears and blocking out any other sounds but her own thoughts. Closing her eyes she thought of her day yesterday with Spock. It had been so intriguing, seeing such a different side of him, a side that was so relaxed, relaxed when he was with her. She smiled, pleased that she made him feel so at ease. Her mind wandered through their conversation, the observatory, the beautiful star system, his presence, all the way back to that kiss. Even the thought of it left her speechless. She was only just beginning to realise the effect that he had on her.

Spock sat perfectly still and contained, not letting the hammering sounds of the rain disturb him. His posture was perfect and he held his hands gently in his lap, focusing solely on the calm and present state within his mind. He immersed himself in the blackness, listening to his breathing and accepting any sounds around him, concentrating to the best of his ability, but somehow, images of Uhura had woven their way into his meditated mind. He inhaled quickly and opened his eyes. He had been trying to meditate all afternoon but had had little success. No person had ever been able to disrupt his thoughts in this manner before. He looked about his large quarters and they suddenly felt very empty. Uhuras smile flashed through his head and he closed his eyes, accepting the image of her and remembering the feel of her presence. The phone suddenly rang and jolted Spock back to life, he walked over and reached for it hesitantly before picking it up.  
"Commander Spock." He said strongly,  
"Spock! Oh it's so good to hear your voice," He immediately recognised the homely tones of his mothers voice.  
"Hello mother, how are you?" He asked her pleasantly,  
"I am all the better now I have called you. I've been so worried about you, you haven't contacted since you started work at the Academy."  
"I have been exceptionally busy, I apologise as I could not find the time."  
"I understand, as long as you are not working yourself too hard!" Spock had always found that human phrase a curious one, work was work. You can only work within the boundaries of your capabilities, and one should be able to sufficiently handle their capabilities to not become 'overworked', although perhaps humans found this more difficult than vulcans, "I hope you are still making the journey home this weekend for your arranged visit?" His mother asked, well, reminded him.  
"Of course, I will be glad to see you and father again." he felt a sense of calm toward his upcoming visit home, perhaps the time would provide him with some much needed clarity.  
"I will let you get back to your things, you must be busy! See you next weekend." He politely said goodbye to his mother and hung up the phone. She had been a welcome distraction and had given him much to focus on and prepare for. He decided he would go to his office and prepare lessons for the week after next, as he would not be able to next weekend on Vulcan. He walked along the corridor, the rain thrashed the floor to ceiling windows next to him, he had only seen rain like this on one other previous occasion here on Earth. It made him look forward to getting home to the warmth of Vulcans climate. As he unlocked his office door, he was overcome by the strong smell of sweet coffee. It immediately reminded him of Uhura and he sighed, standing there basking in the fragrance. He thought of his impulsive kiss, and the way she had paused, just letting his lips move on hers before responding with passion and a hint of need. He pushed the images out of his head, but the sensations and emotions were clearly set to stay with him while he worked.

07:15hrs Monday and Uhura was set to act completely normal. She strolled down to the mess hall listening to her music to grab an extra large cup of coffee, she needed it today. She felt a slight twist of nerves in her stomach, her lesson this morning would be the first time she had seen Spock since he kissed her. Her mind raced at the thought of it again but she quelled her thoughts, she needed to keep it together, be cool. She sat in the quiet mess hall as it was to damp and cold to sit outside. She thought of her work, and wondered it Spock had marked her third draft yet, and even wondered if their kiss would change her marks but then dismissed it as silly. He was far to logical and wouldn't mix work with personal experiences. She finished her coffee and decided not to get another as a XL would be more than enough to keep her going. She walked down the corridors and made a quick dash across the campus grounds in the drizzle and proceeded to the lecture theatre. 07:45hrs. She knew no one else would be there yet, she secretly hoped Spock wouldn't be either so she could compose herself at her seat to act collected and normal when he arrived. She took a breath, held her head high and summoned her inner confidence as she quietly opened the door. She silently descended the steps gradually. He was there, his face contemplative and perfect. The door swooshed behind her and he looked up, the look of concentration still apparent on his face,  
"Good morning, Commander." Uhura said confidently and smiled sweetly at him.  
"Good morning Cadet." he mirrored her tone. She got to her desk and sat down, preparing her things for the lesson, his voice then distracted her, "I read over your third draft and you have greatly improved." he stated, his eyes were fixed on his computer, but his body was facing her direction, he looked up and continued, "If you go through my corrections and continue to improve, your next copy should be accepted as complete." She beamed at him, she couldn't help it,  
"Thank you, professor!" he nodded coolly in response. Uhura was pleased, it would be a weight off her mind if she could get it completed.  
They sat in silence. Uhura was going through her previous notes but stealing glances at him. She felt transfixed by his lips. Those perfect lips that had melded so perfectly with hers. She caught her breath suddenly and hoped Spock had not heard so made herself look like she was reading. He glanced up at her though, of course he had heard. She told herself off, dammit she was meant to be collected, but she wanted to be nearer to him, to talk to him about Saturday afternoon. She eschewed her thoughts and was relieved when other students started to file in, the lesson would be starting soon and it would take some of the focus off her and allow her to work.

Spock taught his lesson with accuracy and precision. The cadets listened and took notes intently as they always did, well, as most of them always did. There were a few less than committed students in the class who needed extra prodding to take notes and be involved with the work. Uhura was certainly not one of those cadets. She was always engaged and noted down nearly every word he said. He liked to watch her scribble things down and check through books and pinpoint things. He tried his best to conduct his lesson in his normal manner but found it more difficult than usual. He was distracted by Uhuras' presence, and they would occasionally meet each others eyes for a few seconds. In fact, approximately 1.43seconds longer than when he met a different students eyes.  
Spock was relieved when the lesson was over, and that he hadn't seemed too obviously distracted. He felt conflicted with himself. Logically, he knew that these feelings were inappropriate. Cadet Uhura was a student of his and now these strange feelings he felt towards her were distracting him from teaching his work efficiently. Most of the students had left the lecture theatre so he called Uhura over to him. She picked up the last of her things and made her way towards him as the final students filed out. She looked about as she stood before him,  
"Yes, Spock?" she asked in her soft, respectful voice. He studied her eyes, her beautiful deep brown eyes and felt his conflict burn within him. He took a deep breath, he needed to put logic forward,  
"Cadet," he refrained from using her first name, even though she allowed him too he felt he would not be able to bare saying it without being flooded by his emotions, "I must apologise to you for my impulsiveness the other evening." he said coldly, he could not look into her eyes,  
"What do you mean?" she smiled slightly with an air of playfulness and confusion, not quite gauging his intentions,  
"I mean that it was wrong of me to be lead by my sudden desire and that I should not have done what I did." He was staring past her, "It was unfair to you as nothing can become of the event." He felt more in control for speaking from logic, he knew his words were right, even if they did cause his stomach to clench with a sense of loss. He bought his gaze back down to Uhuras face. She was standing before him, a multitude of feeling racing in her eyes and a stunned expression on her face. He waited patiently for a reply, she took a deep breath, blinked several times and smiled at him, although something about her smile was not genuine, it was different from other smiles she had given him,  
"Of course," she said quietly, and shuffled her bag on her shoulder, "Yes, it would.. Be a difficult circumstance..." She mumbled quietly and turned her body in the direction of the door, "...I shall see you next lesson, Commander." She quickly turned and began walking away so he could not see her face. The door clanked shut behind her, leaving Spock staring at it and the space she was just in. He closed his eyes and quickly purged his emotions. This had to be best, for both of them.


	6. Chapter 6: Logic versus Love

**Chapter Six: Logic versus Love**

It was Friday, the week had been a blur, a foggy, emotional blur. Uhura sat outside on her bench in the early gloom of the dawn. It was cold. Freezing in fact, but the cold was the only thing she had truly been able to feel these past few days. Her mind felt numb. Her hopes had been torn from her heart and smashed to pieces in front of her. She had felt a true connection with Spock, something she had never experienced with anyone before. His presence was different, the way he was when he had been alone with her, it had been so calming, and she believed she was special, that she could make him feel at ease. It was 07:00hrs, she had a lesson with him in an hours time. She hadn't gone to Wednesdays lesson. She knew her actions had been cowardly but she had been so angry on Wednesday that she may not have been able to control herself, so she had put on her best sick voice to convince an ever-growing-suspicious Gaila she was just not feeling well, and logged her absence on her PADD. Spock hadn't checked up on it, this just further proved his disinterest in her.  
She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, turning her face to the chill. Anyone else would think her reaction to Spock's words were over the top, or 'illogical' as they had only really spent one afternoon alone together, but her emotions were partly from being led on and then facing cold rejection. She didn't understand, she was sure she had seen it, deep within his eyes anytime they stood near each other over the last few weeks, and Saturday had opened up a whole new chapter of emotions in him. So why was he pushing her away? She ran through Mondays conversation in her head, his sincere tone and the way he didn't even look her in the eye. She breathed a lungful of cold air, fighting back the tears, she had failed to fight them that morning as she walked away from him, but just prayed he hadn't noticed or heard. 07:45hrs set from the cold, she decided to go back to her dorm. She got the cardigan her mother had crocheted for her out from the wardrobe and put it on under her coat. It was so warm and a little big for her but that's why she loved it. Everything about it reminded her of home and her family. She could feel the love it was made with. She brushed her hair out and pinned it back behind her ears, she couldn't be bothered to tie it today, before heading to the mess hall to grab a coffee to warm her up.  
07:59hrs. She walked with coffee in hand down the corridor towards the lecture theatre. She couldn't avoid him forever.

06:00hrs, Spock was awake, well he hadn't actually been to sleep. He had just been lying in bed, gazing at the ceiling. He had only had 4.3hrs sleep over the past nights since Monday. He had tried meditating, martial arts, decaffeinated tea, green tea, Vulcan sleeping herbs, but nothing worked, or if it did, it was only for an hour or less. The ceiling was smooth, sanded down and painted to within an inch of its life. He studied it thoroughly over the past four nights, in fact, it was the only thing he had studied. He couldn't focus on his work for long, had done minimal marking of the cadets work and couldn't bring himself to step foot in the Planetarium Observatory. That star system could be anywhere by now. His logic wanted to work on it desperately, but his emotions overpowered him, it reminded him too much of Nyota. He sat up in bed thinking of her. She hadn't been in Wednesdays lesson. He knew it was because of what he said. She attended every lesson since the start of term, even in late September when she caught a horrible Earth cold and could barely keep her eyes open. He felt her absence, the class had felt empty without her, and if anything, his performance was worse than Mondays lesson for her not being there. He proceeded to the bathroom, his mind felt tired and his eyes were dark in his reflection in the mirror. He took a long shower to try and wake himself up, and drank two large cups of tea.  
07:15hrs, he proceeded with his PADD to the lecture theatre. He needed to run through his lesson this morning. Luckily it was his only lesson of the day, he could then focus on preparing for his trip home, he needed to be at the shipyard for 18:00hrs as the shuttlecraft for Vulcan departed at 18:30. He placed his belongings on the desk and loaded the computer. The room was cold and sullen. He slowly walked over to Cadet Uhura's desk. It was perfectly neat and clean, it had not been scribbled or engraved on like almost all of the other desks in the room. The wood at the edge of the desk had lightened and the colour was wearing away from where she rested her arm over the years of intense studying and writing. As he stared at the empty seat he gradually began to understand one of his feelings. He missed her. He missed her presence and intelligence, her beauty and individuality. He sighed and pushed the thoughts away, his class would be starting soon.  
08:00hrs and the last Cadets were filing in. He looked amongst them as they scattered to their seats and she appeared through the door, not quite the last one in. Her sleek hair fell past her shoulders and her face was expressionless. She did not look at him or anyone else as she proceeded to her seat and prepared her things in her normal fashion. He watched her for a moment before busying himself so he did not stare. He ran his lesson confidently, every so often glancing over to Uhura to see her eyes fixed on her work. Even though she was not acknowledging him, the room felt complete with her there. The lesson ended and the Cadets proceeded to their other classes. Uhura wasted no time in leaving, she gathered her things and swiftly merged with the crush of students exiting the room. He stood at his desk and watched. Part of him wanted to call after her. He had no idea what he would say to her if he did but he just didn't want her leave when she looked so hurt. He clenched his fists and tried to push the feeling away, not able to understand why he couldn't control these emotions.

Uhura sat writing furiously as she always did in Spock's lessons, she had much to catch up on what she had missed on Wednesday and was not going to let her feelings stop her from her work. In fact, she found it almost comforting to be engrossed. She looked up at him occasionally, he looked different, his face darker, his eyes looked tired. Good. She thought to herself. Maybe the Vulcan is feeling something, loss, regret. It's not just her suffering. But as soon as she thought it she felt as of she may cry again. If he was feeling the repercussion of his words, why did he say them in the first place? The lesson concluded and she quickly gathered her things. She did not want to hang around. Outside, the day was fresh and the winter sun glinted over the campus. She decided she would utilise the clear day.  
She dumped her bag in her dorm, quickly tied her hair and got changed into a pair of leggings, a sweatshirt and some trainers. She needed a good run after that tense lesson, to think how she should proceed in xenolinguistic classes to come, and it was a chance to get away from Gaila, who would be around soon and start questioning her on why she looked so 'gloomy' lately. Ugh. She plugged in her music player and turned the volume all the way up. The Academy Park would be a nice, quiet place for a jog.  
There were a few other runners out. Music on, contemplating the world just as she was. Running felt good, she felt her joints stretch and watched her breath puff out in front of her in icy clouds. She began to feel strong again. Going to that lesson and seeing Spock looking just as she has been feeling over the past couple of days gave her a sense of resolve. It made her see that she must still have an effect on him, and that part of him might even still care. She stopped, nearly out of energy and put her hands on her knees. All that running and she still had no idea what to do. She got back to her dorm and a thought struck her, she would ask the smartest person she knew.  
Sat on her bed in her pyjamas, luckily Gaila was out. she held her phone to her ear and listened as the ringing stopped and a familiar voice greeted her,  
"Mama?" She asked softly, "It's Nyota."  
"Nyota sweetheart! How are you? How are your studies going?" She could hear her smile, she missed her mother.  
"My studies are going very well thank you, and I'm.. Alright." her tone was unconvincing.  
"You don't sound alright, what's wrong baby?" her mothers voice was filled with concern. Uhura breathed and looked out of the window, as she did, she saw Spock walking out of the building opposite with a small suitcase in tow. He looked handsome and strong in the afternoon sun, and she could no longer hold back the tears,  
"Oh Mama, it's just stupid.." She snivelled, "I don't know what to do..." her mother cottoned on immediately,  
"Who is he, and what has he done?" she asked with care and concern in a mumsy way. Uhura spilled all the things about Spock and their encounters. She left out the part that he was her teacher as that didn't matter to her but her mum may think it odd. She told her of Saturday and how happy she had felt and then how he just cast her aside coldly two days later.  
"I saw him today, he looked as rough as I feel. But I don't know what to do, I don't want this to be over, I know there is something there." She pleaded with herself,  
"Well I think you should be confident and strong, and your generally wonderful self. If that's who he felt for in the first place, he must still feel for that, Nyota." she paused and Uhura waited for her to conclude. "Men are men, Vulcan or otherwise. Just give him some time, and time to see you as yourself again and he will see the error of his ways, and if you really are as important to him as you sound, then he will try and make amends. Or by that time, you will feel confident enough to talk to him." Uhura sighed, sinking back into her pillows behind her,  
"Thank you, Mama. I hope you are right." She finished the conversation with her mother, feeling a lot better about what to to. She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Time. She thought. Never underestimate time.

Spock stepped down from the shuttlecraft and onto the dusty plains of Vulcans shipyard. He was fond of Earth and was accepted at the Academy but nothing compares to home. 09:00hrs Saturday. He had made good time from Earth and was scheduled at his parents home for 10:00. He went through control and customs, out into the bustling Capitol City. His parents were situated on the outskirts of the city, only a shuttle ride away.  
10:00hrs precisely and he rang the doorbell of the small house he grew up in. It was answered immediately by his mother who greeted him,  
"Spock!" she smiled warmly and embraced him. He embraced her back gently, his mother was the only person he had ever hugged. It was definitely a human interaction. He respectfully greeted his father, before taking his belongings to the spare room, that was once his bedroom as a child. The room was open and tidy, with matching Vulcan fersha wood furnishings. He sat on the bed and sighed, putting his head in his hands. He may actually sleep tonight, purely put of sheer exhaustion. He prepared himself for the day ahead as he had several meetings to attend to with his father at the Vulcan Embassy and the Science Academy to report back on his work in Starfleet on Earth and studies he had been doing. He was disappointed in himself for not going back to his work in the Planetarium Observatory, the star system would have been an interesting topic at the Science Academy. He cleaned his teeth and had one last look in the mirror. At least this work would keep his mind from Uhura. He thought as he left the room.  
He woke up considerably later than usual the following day. It was 09:30hrs. He felt a welcome calm as he adjusted to being awake. He really must have been tired as he did not remember falling asleep last night. The day was already warm so he proceeded to shower and change into something cool. He found his parents outside sat at the table, they were sat next to each other both reading and looked perfectly serene. He almost didn't wish to disturb them, but wanted to greet them. He stepped outside into the sunshine and pulled up a chair opposite his mother.  
"Good morning, mother, father." He spoke softly. His mother smiled looking up at him and placed her hand gently on his.  
"I trust you slept well, son?" His father asked him,  
"Yes, thank you. It had been an eventful day yesterday, and I had not been sleeping well this past week. The home-rest was welcome." his mother fussed over him,  
"Are you hungry? Would you like some tea?"  
"Some tea would be appreciated. Thank you." he acknowledged her and she happily passed him into the house. Spock closed his eyes in the sun, and a few minutes later his mother approached with his tea. He took it gratefully from her.  
"Come," she gestured for him to follow her, "I must show you the garden."  
He followed her through the back gate out to the garden, it was beautiful this time of year. His mother had always worked very hard on it and it looked astounding. Wild flowers, domestic flowers, ancient flowers, trees, shrubs, earth cultivated plants, fruit plants and trees. It really was a sight to behold. They stopped under a Vulcan Jewel Fruit tree. His mother grabbed a handful of the beaded fruit and shared it with him. This tree was mature and produced some of the best fruit in the city.  
"Spock, are you alright?" his mother queried, "Your father said you seemed distracted yesterday," She paused and looked at him for a reaction, he sighed.  
"No mother, I find myself conflicted between what is logical and... What my heart is telling me to do." he saw the worry in her face so told her of how he first met Uhura and the growing effect she had on him. How he had never felt such emotions in any other persons company before and that he was unsure of what to do. That the Academy would frown upon such a relationship but he felt so drawn to Nyota, and now he felt as though he had ruined everything by following a logical path which may not have been the right one after all.  
His mother sat opposite him,  
"Spock, you cannot expect to be able to control these emotions with logic. They are far deeper and complex. These emotions come from the innermost part of you." He listened attentively, she was his biggest help when it came to emotion. "Trying to stifle these feelings will do you no good. No wonder you have been distracted." She smiled at him, "Listen to them, cultivate them and do what feels right." He closed his eyes, letting thoughts of Uhura fill his head. He saw their last conversation and with his new found knowledge could see how wrong it was. He had been battling with the wrong thing, running had seemed like the easier option when really all he had done was cause himself and Uhura pain. He wanted to make amends, he needed to make amends. That's if Nyota would ever forgive him.


	7. Chapter 7: Quickest Way to Uhura's Heart

**  
****Chapter Seven: The Quickest Way to Uhura's Heart**

Monday, xenolinguistics, just like always. Uhura reflected on her mothers words as she made her way toward the lecture theatre. Strong, confident, normal, so she was back to her old tradition of being early. It was 07:50hrs and she gracefully entered the classroom. Spock, as always, was already there. He looked different, himself again, but she told herself to ignore his appearance. She was here to learn. He noticed her presence and stood up from his desk, he almost looked surprised,  
"Uhura?" he stated nearly as a question of disbelief.  
"Good morning, Commander." She said pleasantly as she sat down at her seat, got her PADD out and went through its files before addressing the Commander again, "I completed my final draft over the weekend. I hope you have received it via the cross-comm." She did not look up as she spoke, but could see that Spock was still standing up, he hesitated before he realised and then sat back down and checked his computer,  
"Yes, I have received it," he paused, his tone was different. It was not one she had heard before, it sounded almost confused, "Thank you."  
Spock conducted his lesson in his normal manner and Uhura met his gaze a couple of times. When she did, she was not the first to look away, she merely looked into his eyes, making sure her expression was neutral. She had seen brief patches of bemusement in his eyes as he tried to read her face and felt a smug satisfaction, she was confusing a Vulcan.  
The lesson ended and she had no reason to hang around. She casually strolled to her dorm with a sense of accomplishment. She was proud of herself for holding it together and believed it had had the desired effect on him. She sat on her bed and looked around. She felt almost bored now. All of her energy had been focused on being strong around Spock or doing her assignment, and she had done both. She grabbed her music player, put her big cardi and her coat on and decided to go for a walk.  
It was cold and fresh outside but the sun shone brightly making the last of the morning dew glimmer in the light. She made her way to her secluded bench in the corner of the campus. The Palecktori trees leaves had changed colour, from a vibrant summer purple through a dusky autumn yellow and was now descending into a deep, passionate blue. It was her favourite spices of tree as its colours were so enchanting and it never lost its leaves. The stone bench was cold as she sat on it and it made her shiver a laugh. She fidgeted until it warmed up, and then felt inwardly awkward and hoped no one had saw her. She shrugged it off and turned her music up, listening to her classical playlist and looking out over the empty campus. She closed her eyes momentarily and when she reopened them, Commander Spock was standing in front of her. Startled, she unplugged her music from her ears and stood up,  
"Commander," she said, she felt unprepared,  
"Please," he gestured for her to sit back down so she did and he joined her, "I did not mean to startle you." He said softly,  
"No, thats alright." Uhura fumbled with her words. Something about the cold morning light lit up his features, he looked pristine, his skin was flawless and pale and his dark hair and eyes contrasted against it perfectly. As his eyes examined hers, she felt the butterflies return and flutter in her chest. She breathed deeply, she must stay in control.  
"I believe I have made an illogical choice," he began, his eyes not leaving hers, "I need to apologise to you Nyota, to ask for your forgiveness for the pain I have caused you over the last week, and assure you that I too suffered from my words." he spoke quietly and looked at his hands in his lap. She studied his profile and could see the emotion in his face. Seeing Spock's unprofessional, personal feelings that were drawn out from her presence made her want to grab him and never let him go. He continued, "I have acquired some new found knowledge over the weekend and now understand that I cannot, and should not try to purge the emotions I feel you for." he looked back into her eyes again, "You bring out feelings in me I never knew I had." She smiled back at him and tenderly placed her hands on top of his,  
"I forgive you, Spock." She whispered, "I understand if you find this new and I will give you all the time you need. Besides, this is all new to me too." she trailed off and met his gaze. He slowly moved his hands and entwined his fingers with hers. They were soft and strong and cradled her hands perfectly. The butterflies went mad and her heart rate accelerated slightly. He breathed a sigh,  
"I must get back to my work. But I would very much like to spend time with you... This evening?" He asked her, his eyes were filled with emotion.  
"Yes," she replied, it was all she could handle, her mind was doing flips at the prospect of being alone with him again and had forgotten how to articulate words. She watched him think for a moment,  
"If you could meet me at the Planetarium Observatory for 19:00hrs, I would be grateful for your company." She smiled intently back at him,  
"See you tonight." He gently squeezed her hands before releasing them and proceeding back towards the building, leaving Uhura dumbstruck and excited. She had a date with Spock.

Spock was fascinated by his sudden feeling of relief as he approached the observatory after his conversation with Nyota. His mother had been correct, holding back his feelings had not been good for him and now that he had been honest and she had forgiven him, he felt considerably better, his mind felt clearer. There were a few other members of staff in the observatory at this time, but none using the things he needed. He set up the computer and engaged the telescope. He felt frustrated that it had been a week since he had charted the star system. Who knew where it could be by now? He worked intently and found that for the first time in seven days he could actually focus. His mind had reorganised, his work and his personal life had sided with each other and his feelings for Nyota were no longer dominating his thoughts. They were merely giving him a purpose to get on with his day, spurring the hours on until he could see her later. The clock in the lab struck 17:00hrs, pulling Spock out of his work coma. He looked at the clock briefly before having one last check over his work. He had managed to catch up and plotted the course the stars had taken, they had made it half way around Saturn in a week. He left his work running but locked and protected it along with the telescope so no one could access it. He left the observatory and quickly made his way back to his quarters to get ready. He showered, shaved brushed his teeth and chose some smart casual clothing. He wore plain charcoal trousers and a rich deep blue shirt his mother had bought for him. It reminded him of the blue leaves of the Palecktori tree. The time was 18:15hrs so he headed back the observatory to wait for Uhura.  
He sat at the telescope, watching each star intently. There were eight of them in this particular system. The door alert signalled that there was someone outside, he looked at the clock, 19:00hrs precisely. Nyota was ever punctual. Entering the key code, the door unlocked and Spock was greeted by the beautiful sight of Cadet Uhura. Her hair was held back by a simple hair band allowing the rest to waterfall naturally around her shoulders. She was wearing a knee length green dress, that ruched around her waist, her big cream cardigan that he had often seen her in recently because of the cold, and a pair of spindly black heels that looked like they'd be spikey to touch. He thought back to the shoes he had seen her in the night she went to the party, they looked dangerous too. Were her cadet boots the only safe pair of shoes she owned? He shrugged the thought aside as he realised he was staring, she was smiling sweetly up at him.  
"You look beautiful." he said quietly and gestured for her to enter the lab,  
"Thank you," she replied as she passed him and entered the room. "How is work with the star system going?" she asked pleasantly and fidgeted slightly on her feet, he could sense she was slightly anxious.  
"I am afraid to say I have only just caught up with plotting it's course..." he trailed off, "I could not bring myself to work on it last week."  
"Oh, why?" she asked curiously. He stepped closer to her,  
"Because it reminded me too much of you, and the afternoon we shared." He watched a forgiving smile break out across her face, he loved to see her smile, even more so when he was the cause of it. He showed her to the telescope and let her gaze at the stars, her reaction was the same as it had been that Saturday. When she had finished looking, she joined him at the computer and he explained their course to her. As he did, she reacted with genuine interest, she knew how to appreciate things that others may find boring because of their complexities. As she studied the charts, she gently leaned into him. Her contact sent pulses through Spock's veins and he clenched his fists to refrain being to forward. She looked back into his eyes,  
"It's a beautiful and interesting discovery, Spock." she smiled again and in reply, he smiled softly back. This he felt was a big thing for himself. Very few people have ever made him genuinely smile. He broke her gaze and looked at the clock, 20:30hrs.  
"Are you hungry?" he asked her attentively, she thought for a moment,  
"Yes actually, I am."  
"Then if you would care to join me, I would like to take you to an excellent little Vulcan restaurant I know." he asked her confidently,  
"That sounds wonderful, I haven't sampled much Vulcan cuisine!" With that, he shut down his work, locked up the laboratory and proceeded out into the night with Nyota. They walked along, silently in each others company. It was a pleasant silence, and Spock did not want to break it, but he did not want Nyota to think he was being rude, or felt ill at ease with her. She walked close to him in the cold night, and slowly, Spock let his hand find hers, her slender fingers fitting perfectly between his.

Uhura could barely contain herself as she walked hand in hand with Spock, who was looking more handsome than she had ever seen him. She wanted to squeal with delight like a teenager and giggle, but she held herself together, she must remain composed! It was only a short walk to the restaurant that was sat neatly on the corner of the street of shops that all the cadets went for shopping purposes.  
Inside it was warm and quiet. There were only a few other tables filled and people looked up as she entered with Spock. She felt a warm sensation in her stomach when she realised that he was still holding her hand, in the presence of others. A Vulcan waiter approached them,  
"Good evening Spock, I trust you are well?" he asked Spock pleasantly before giving her a nod of acknowledgement.  
"Yes thank you, Dexan. And yourself?"  
"Well, thank you. Follow me." Spock still held her hand and they followed the waiter to a table in the corner of the restaurant, it was cozy and quiet. They sat down opposite each other and the waiter gave them menus before disappearing back into the restaurant.  
"Who was he?" Uhura asked quietly, peeking at Spock over the top of her menu.  
"Dexan is an old family friend. I have known him my entire life. He owns a string of Vulcan restaurants on earth and enjoys waiting in each of them." he answered her question effortlessly. She glanced back over to Dexan before focusing her attention on the huge menu before her that was written in Vulcan.  
"Wow," she said as she read the different foods and wines "It all sounds divine!" There were combinations of Earth foods, Earth foods mixed with Vulcan foods and ingredients, and completely Vulcan dishes, with foods she had never heard of. All of a sudden, she was ravenous, and wanted to try everything. She saw Spock close his menu and look up at her,  
"I can't decide!" she spoke excitedly, "Maybe I'll have that... No no, that sounds really good...But wait, what about that? What is Valjeux?" Uhura was indecisive and could see Spock's amusement as he watched her,  
"Valjeux are a species of bird only found in the northern parts of Vulcan. They are bred to be eaten and are exceptional." he assured her,  
"Okay, I'll try that." She smiled at him.  
Their food arrived and Spock had also ordered them an expensive looking bottle of wine. Uhura eyed the bottle and Spock sighed,  
"This wine is a little expensive, but it is exquisite and I believe you will enjoy it." he filled her glass as he spoke and she eyed the ruby red liquid. It shone in the light as she lifted it to her lips. One sip and she was sold. It was a beautiful blend of rich tartness mixed with a strong, sweet and fruity side.  
"What do you think?" he asked her and her eyes widened in reply.  
"I've never tasted anything like it. It's beautiful." she smiled, he had excellent taste in wine. They talked as they ate, sharing stories about their homes, families and childhood. They really were from two different worlds; Spock an only child on Vulcan, with an ambassador for a father and a teacher for a mother. He had excellent schooling and tuition. And Uhura growing up on Earth, with three siblings, an engineer for a father and a singing coach for a mother. She felt that her upbringing and schooling was almost insignificant in comparison to Spock's. He had had far more opportunities and was so intelligent, but it saddened her when he told her of how he was bullied as a child, she held his hand,  
"I'm so sorry Spock..." she couldn't believe anyone would want to pick on him,  
"Well, any species of children can be cruel I suppose." she nodded in agreement.  
A waiter appeared and cleared their plates, they stopped their conversation,  
"Will you be having desert?" the waiter asked, Uhura looked at Spock who was watching her, she eyed the menu in front of her and then looked back to him with decisive, pleading eyes that wanted to sample more Vulcan foods.  
"Yes, I think we will be." Spock answered the waiter. Uhura was quick to make up her mind,  
"I am going to try the Vulcan fruit selection and the truffles!" she said as she made a mental note to come back here, often.  
"Then I shall have an Earth tradition, strawberry New York cheesecake." he smiled softly,  
"Excellent choice," she commended and returned his smile.  
Their desserts arrived and Uhura questioned Spock on every fruit on her plate. She held up a collection of colourful beads,  
"What are these?" she asked, looking at their beauty and bright colours,  
"Those are Jewel Fruits, a personal favourite of mine and in fact, the Jewel Fruits sold in here Dexan gets from the tree in the garden from my parents house." he replied with a hint of pride, Uhura beamed at the thought of it,  
"Wow! Your own bit of home, right here on Earth." She watched as he contemplated her words,  
"Yes, I suppose it is." he replied, and she shared the fruit with him, hoping the night would never end.

Spock walked hand in hand with Nyota back to the campus, still talking as they went. He was intrigued by stories of her childhood and what it must have been like to grow up with siblings. From what she had told him, it sounds like they made you tougher. He also felt flattered at the interest she had shown toward his life, and pleased with his decision to take her to the Vulcan restaurant as she had expressed how much she enjoyed it.  
It was midnight as they approached Uhura's dorm. He felt the pending separation from her and wished the night was longer. He stood outside her door with her, just inches away. She turned to him,  
"Thank you so much." She whispered and smiled at him, her eyes sparkling, "I had an amazing night." Before he had time to reply, Nyota leaned up and gave him a delicate, lingering kiss. Her lips were soft against his and he responded and gently put his hands on her waist. She broke away and he rested his forehead against hers.  
"I shall see you tomorrow." he said confidently, they didn't have a scheduled lesson, but he did not want to be away from her, "Good night, Nyota." he kissed her again before letting her go to get some rest.  
Spock climbed into his bed at around 01:00hrs yet he did not feel tired. His thoughts were only of Uhura. She had been away from him for an hour yet he already missed her presence and company, the way her face lit up when she smiled and the sound of her laugh. The sensations that coursed through his body when they had kissed. When he did drift off, he dreamt of her.  
When he woke, the bedside clock said 06:45hrs. He lay in his bed and looked about the seemingly empty room. He stared at the perfectly made right side of the bed and found himself wondering what it would be like to wake up next to Nyota. She was beautiful and he believed she would look just as beautiful when she was asleep. He rose and meditated, organising his mind of his thoughts and preparing for the day ahead. He showered, dressed, drank his usual cup of tea and made his way to his office.  
He sat at his desk, and loaded the computer. His cross-comm file opened immediately and presented him with the files he had received. A few staff things, a general notice about the Planetarium Observatory being open to all next week, and then he saw something from Uhura, and remembered she had sent him her final draft. He took time and read through it thoroughly. It was exemplary. Nothing less than he expected from her. He transferred the file to the higher xenolinguistic educators without hesitation. He knew they would be just as pleased with her work.  
The afternoon was soon upon him and he made his way across the campus towards the space science block for his lesson. As he walked, he looked over to the Palecktori tree, and spotted Nyota sat casually on the bench beneath it. She did not see him as she was reading a book. She looked content and natural. Spock thought, he wanted to do something for her, to surprise her. He still felt guilty for his words a week ago, even though he knew she forgave him, he wanted to prove himself to her. He smiled to himself. He would have to read up on Earth romantics.


	8. Chapter 8: Wasting Days

Chapter Eight: Wasting Days  
A/N: It has been forever and a day! Sorry for not updating for so long, things have been pretty busy lately but here's the next chapter! I hope you all haven't forgotten me! Here is some cosy wintriness. Merry Christmas!

Uhura awoke with Gaila's face inches away from hers,  
"Wake up!" she smiled down at her, "Look what arrived for you!" she squealed pointing to the dresser behind them. Uhura pushed her friend off of her and sat up to see a glorious bouquet of flowers. Roses of every colour, lilies, carnations and gerberas. She got up and walked over to them. She softly felt the velvet petals between her fingers and inhaled their rich perfume. Since when did Vulcans send flowers? She thought to herself, the thoughts were fleeting however as as she gazed at them she felt her mind become absorbed with the times she had spent with Spock recently. There first date had been amazing and she had seen him precisely three more times after that. They hadn't exactly been conventional dates but they had done things that interested them. They had been to the new library that opened on the edge of town, Uhura looked back on that afternoon and couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed. She had been far too excited about the vast expanse of new books available and spent most of the time awestruck, she couldn't imagine what Spock must have thought about her but he never said anything, in fact, she remembered he looked rather amused when she had sat at the table opposite him with a stack of books higher than herself, and commented wondrously on nearly every page.  
To make up for the library, she had taken him to the Earth Horticultural Tropics Houses. She hadn't been there for years but remembered it fondly and found the different plants from around the globe, even some that were centuries old, to be very interesting. Her choice had been a successful one as Spock was engaged the entire day, he saw some plants that he had only read about in books or seen pictures of, and Uhura felt proud of her decision and that she had showed him something new. This being a factor she had worried about when it came to dates as she knew of his intellect and never wanted to bore him. She expressed this feeling to him on the last date they went on. Well it wasn't really a date, it was just a long walk, but it was time spent with Spock nonetheless...  
Uhura tangled her fingers together anxiously as she walked along in the pleasant silence next to Spock, he picked up on her mood,  
"Is there something troubling you, Nyota?" she still felt a warm sensation whenever he said her name but quickly pushed it aside, she couldn't say she was fine, he would never buy it,  
"Ummm," she said, she had no idea how to phrase it without sounding rude or dumb, she breathed a small laugh. Spock stopped her and stood before her with his hands on her shoulders, he looked into her eyes and she felt somewhat calmed by them,  
"Speak your mind, I would not like the thought of you feeling unable to tell me something." he said softly, with a glimmer of concern. She sighed and took his hands from her shoulders and held them in hers,  
"I just..." She began, "I worry that you will get bored... When you are out with me..." She shuffled her feet,  
"Bored?" he replied, cooly contemplating her words,  
"Yeah... I would just hate the thought that you found the time we spent together to be uninteresting."  
"Nyota," he squeezed her hands gently, "The times we have spent together have been most interesting to me, and even if the activities do not surpass as what is thought of as a conventional way to spend time with someone you care about, this does not bother me. So long as I am spending time with you, I am interested. I believe we could be doing nothing at all and I would never be 'bored'." He stated his words with such confidence and integrity. She beamed up at him, and envied how he seemed to always know the right thing to say, but felt flattered by the compliment.  
She was suddenly snapped out of her daydream,  
"So are you gonna tell me who this mysterious man is?" Gaila was standing next to her now, also admiring the flowers. Oh no, what should she say? She can't tell her the truth she would either freak out or die laughing. She shook her head slightly and improvised,  
"I don't know," Uhura spoke, "There is no card or anything..." she bit her lip and hoped her expression was indifferent enough to support her lie, it seemed to work,  
"Ooh!" Gaila squealed again, "Someone has a secret admirer!" she chimed, and Uhura laughed.  
"Well I'm jealous," Gaila continued, "No one ever sends me flowers." her tone became more sullen,  
"Aww," Uhura put her arm around her friend comfortingly, "I'll send you flowers, for Christmas." she smiled. Gaila laughed,  
"Thanks, I wonder what he'll send you for the holidays?" she emphasised the 'he' and she pointed lazily at the flowers. They broke up for the holidays in a week, and Nyota found she genuinely hadn't thought about Vulcans and the season. Do they exchange gifts? Spock surely must know something of the Earth holiday because of his mother, so perhaps he would accept a gift if she bought him one? But what could Spock possibly want?

Spock paced his quarters feeling a little lost and nervous. Lost because the term had ended for a few weeks for the Earth holidays meaning he did not have any lectures to prepare or classes to teach, and nervous because it was 15:58hrs and Nyota was scheduled to visit him at 16:00hrs. A thick layer of snow had covered the city in the past few days so they decided they would not venture out into the cold. Spock was glad of this decision for further reasons, he was looking forward to being completely alone with her. 16:00hrs precisely and the door pipped at him. He opened it swiftly and stepped aside, allowing Uhura to enter the room. Her hair was tied in its usual pretty ponytail and she was wearing a soft lilac jumper with a simple pair of black jeans and boots. He turned to her once the door had close and she hugged him tightly, an interaction he had become more accustomed to and learned to savour over the past few weeks.  
"Please, familiarise yourself with my quarters," he said as he released her, she looked around, "Would you like tea, coffee?" He asked gently,  
"Tea would be lovely, thank you." She smiled sweetly at him and he gestured her toward the living room. He watched her attentively as she tiptoed around the room looking at things, not that he had many things, a few ornaments from Vulcan and things that have been passed down to him through family, but she seemed intrigued nonetheless.  
Once the tea was made, they sat on the sofas and talked for hours, hours that felt like mere minutes to Spock when he was in Nyotas company. He watched her soft expression as her head leaned against the back cushion, their conversation winding down,  
"So, any plans for the holidays?" She asked him, her tone comfortable,  
"I am going to spend some time over on Vulcan with my family, I set off on Monday morning." He thought for a moment and considered if he would have enough time to pack tomorrow, seeing as though it was already Saturday night, but then dismissed the thoughts as they seemed unimportant at this moment, "What about you, Nyota?" He returned her question,  
"I am off to see my family too, I leave tomorrow night and am staying there for the new year as well..." Her eyes dipped as her sentence trailed off, she paused for a moment, "I guess that means we are not going to see each other for a while..." Spock contemplated the concept, since he had become more personally involved with Nyota, they had never gone more than a day without seeing each other, even if it was just in a class. This would be the first time they would not be in the same place or be able to see one and other frequently. He suddenly felt downtrodden by the thought, and by the look on Nyotas face, so did she.  
To break the silence, Spock leaned in and gently kissed her, he let her respond before breaking away, she looked into his eyes, he could see something inside her had shifted. She shuffled up closer to him and leaned her forehead against his,  
"Spock," she cleared her throat slightly and whispered, "Can I stay?" she hesitated a moment before she continued, "I don't want to be apart from you tonight." He slowly moved his head back from hers to look into her eyes again, he could see a need from her he had not seen before.  
"Of course, I would like nothing more." He answered and watched a smile break out across her face as she moved in and kissed him with greater urgency and desire for him than before.

As soon as the thoughts of Christmas and what to get Spock had entered her head, Nyota knew in the back of her mind what she really wanted to give him. Walking around the shops for hours over the past weeks, looking at all the meaningless merchandise and knowing that none of it was really right for Spock only added more fuel to her fire. She had already experienced so much with this man, and she wanted to take the next step with him, especially now as she felt the circumstances were perfect.  
As they kissed, she couldn't quite believe where she was, or who she was with. Never had she seen this side of a Vulcan before, but she had to say, she liked it, a lot. Kissing him was so different to kissing a human male. His touch was purposeful, yet slightly reserved and respectful, and the way he kissed was like a completely different language, a language Nyota knew to be a rare one from her poetry book, one that she had even doubted a little, but that was put to rest when she discovered it for herself in Spock. She broke their kiss momentarily and studied his face, she wanted to be absolutely sure he wanted the same thing. His expression was soft, unlike his normal business-like front and everything in his eyes burned for her.  
Impatience overcame them as they kissed again and before Nyota knew what was going on, Spock picked her up and carried her over to his bed, gently setting her down on the made sheets. She hummed as he crawled over her, feeling his weight above her and smiled to herself. He kissed her neck softly down to her sweet spot on her collar bone and she let herself melt into his touch. Clothing was gradually removed until there was nothing more than them, the bed sheets and infinity. Nyota revelled in the sight of Spocks beautiful skin contrasted against hers, and the feel of his hands and skill of his fingers as they roamed her body. Love making had opened up yet another side of Spock that Nyota could never have dreamed of. A side of him that seemed completely free, no rules, regulations, protocols, just a love between him and her that no one else would experience. Time no longer existed to Nyota, for this moment would be eternal to her. Each movement, each touch ran like electricity over her skin taking her higher and higher, closer to the edge; toes curled, lips apart, heart racing, infinitely climbing in perfect sync with Spock.  
She reached her climax with him, letting the earth shattering waves of pleasure wash over her and scream out his name, allowing herself to be completely powerless to the feelings and sensations that her Vulcan caused her.  
She lay there, eyes closed coming down from her amazing high and barely noticed Spock move to be next to her. She breathed and turned to face him allowing a huge grin to spread across her face, and started to laugh,  
"Is something amusing you, Nyota?" Spock asked, his breathing almost back to normal,  
"No, no!" She smiled, "That was just, unbelievable. You're unbelievable," she said softly and let her fingers linger along his serene face and jawline. She watched him as he shut his eyes, and tilted his face towards the palm of her hand, enjoying her affection. She felt good that she made him feel such emotions, but doubted whether they were anywhere near as powerful as the ones he made her feel.

07:45hrs and Spock awoke peacefully facing the right side of the bed. The side that was usually made up, but this morning enclosed Nyota beneath its charcoal sheets. He watched her as she slept, and for the first time got to study his own emotions clearly when in her presence. He lazily traced the outline of her figure with his fingers as he thought. Having Nyota next to him gave him an overwhelming sense of peace, he felt as if he needn't worry when she was near him. He also felt complete with her here. This room, his bed, his mind; he might even go a little further and say his heart. Uhura had become one of his emotions, the most powerful emotion he had ever experienced, one that coursed deeply through him. She stirred slightly and began to wake. Spock gently pushed a few loose strands of her hair out of her face as she opened her eyes and greeted him.  
"Good morning," she whispered with a smile, and Spock couldn't stop himself from returning it,  
"Good morning, Nyota." He replied, "I trust you slept well?" She nodded in reply and stretched, before moving herself to snuggle up closer to him. Spock felt slightly confused when she tucked herself up to his chest and her eyes flickered shut again, with a content expression on her face.  
"Are you alright?" He asked her, she hummed pleasantly and nodded, Spock still felt confused when she didn't move, "Then should we not face the day?" He tried to ask as politely as possible. He heard her laugh and she turned, rested her chin on her hands atop his chest and giggled up at him through her long eyelashes.  
"Can we not just lie here for a while?" She asked him sweetly and sighed, letting her eyelids droop again. And then Spock remembered as he processed her words; the concept of a 'lie in'. He studied Uhura's carefree expression and saw that she was clearly just enjoying the moment, this moment, simply being with him.  
"So is this what is commonly known as a 'lie in'?" He asked her, her eyes opened again,  
"Yeah, you have nothing scheduled, no classes to attend, and you can just stay in bed, all comfy and cosy." She said whilst wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest, "And its even better when you're with someone." She smiled, leaned up and kissed him. Spock smiled into their kiss, enjoying the thought that Nyota was more than happy to share a lie in with him.  
"But do you not ever feel like you are wasting a day?" He still felt slightly confused,  
"No, not when there is nothing else to do for a while." She replied, "I think somebody needs to learn how to truly wind down." She added playfully, "Learn to embrace nothingness! It's good for you. It's restful." Uhura smiled at him and he immersed himself in the thoughts of how beautiful she was. He wrapped his arms around her and allowed himself to just be with her. He closed his eyes with her and felt himself relax and not worry about time. Besides, a day in Nyotas company would never be a waste of a day.


	9. Chapter 9: Going The Distance

Chapter Nine: Going the Distance

Nyota loved The Holidays with her family. The food, the films, the games, the conversation, she had even learnt to enjoy the arguments over the years. But this year, she couldn't help but find herself a little distracted. Her mother was the only person in the family who knew about Spock, she had updated her on their relationship status but hadn't told her many details, just as much as you would tell your mother. Nyota didn't want anyone else in the family to know about her Vulcan, not yet anyway, not when she still felt unsure about the strength of their relationship. She sat on one of the big cosy armchairs in her parents living room next to the fire, cradling a glass of wine and staring into the distance. It was a dark and cold evening, typical for the time of year, but at least it had stopped snowing for now. She sipped her wine, it tasted bland. Everything seemed bland without Spock there, for he was not around to show her the detail, to pick out the uniqueness of things and make her see and appreciate things for more than meets the eye.  
"Are you alright sweetness?" Her aunts voice broke her thoughts as she entered the room and plumped herself down on a sofa with a book. Nyota cleared her throat and smiled casually,  
"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired." She replied, her aunt took sympathy on her,  
"Aw well I bet that Academy has you run into the ground! Are you in your final year now?"  
Nyota nodded in response, "Well the final year is always the hardest, but I don't doubt you for a second sweetness, so long as you keep organised and don't get distracted!" Her aunt chimed and smiled innocently at her.  
Distracted, if only you knew, Uhura thought as she returned her smile.  
Her aunt settled and started reading, and Nyota turned her attention back to her wine, swirling it in the glass, staring into the deep red that was catching the light from the flickers of the fire. Why had it been so easy? So easy to say goodbye to him? She argued with herself, she knew on one hand, Spock was Vulcan and they are not renowned for big displays of affection but after that night? And the morning, just being with each other? She had felt so loved by him, he had said things he had never said before, he had held her so tightly. She had felt so safe. Then when she left, it was just, "I hope you have a pleasant holiday." and a simple kiss. Crash. Right back down to Vulcan formalities. Nyota blinked back the tears at the memory of his collected face and the memory of herself trying to hold it together at the thoughts of not seeing him for two weeks. She felt angry at him for always being so cool but she mostly felt stupid for expecting too much, but then she thought why shouldn't she expect more from him? He was half human, and quite happy to admit it and quite happy to sleep with her! She had not heard from him since they parted ways, no phone call, no PADD message. Would an, 'I'm going to miss you' have been to much to ask for? But as soon as she said it in her head, the doubts crept in behind it. Maybe that was the thing, maybe he wasn't going to miss her, because, maybe he didn't love her like she loved him.

Spock felt a sense of gratitude for being able to return home to Vulcan. He had been very unfamiliar with just what the Earth Holidays were actually like until he started working and living on Earth a few years ago and had found it to be almost suffocating. Whilst he respected that Christmas was a long standing Earth tradition for a lot of humans, he personally was not very fond of the subdued and wound down approach of the season. He could even say the same about his own cultures holiday periods. Spock had learnt that about himself, that he was not really one to 'switch off'. At home, his mother however was trying to create a relaxed atmosphere. She had never been one to celebrate as elaborately as other humans but enjoyed the tranquility and endeavoured to bring it into the household.  
The morning was as bright as any on Vulcan, and Spock was absentminded as he helped his mother clear the table from breakfast. A mixture of thoughts ran through his head, work back on earth, how he was utilising his time here on Vulcan, and also Nyota. Nyota usually occupied an area of his mind, but today it seemed to be consuming him. He had found that since the days that they have been apart, he has frequently wondered what she may be doing, and found it almost annoying that he could not just go and see her to find out. He had also been conflicted with the thoughts of whether or not to call her. He did not want to disturb her time off or interrupt her festivities. He suddenly noticed his mother was staring at him,  
"Mother?" He asked, feeling slightly awkward at being caught off guard,  
"Well we are distracted today." She smiled at him, "I just asked if you wanted another cup of tea?" He was glad she had pulled him out of his trance as he was scheduled to meet some of the elder professors at the Science Academy today and needed to get going.  
"No, thank you, I must be going, I don't want to be late to meet the elders."  
"Alright, see you later." His mothers care sent him on his way.  
The Vulcan Science Academy swarmed with life and Spock welcomed the working energy as he strode through the corridors of the building. He had felt more at ease than he had for days, yet the feelings surrounding Nyota still threatened to alter his attention. He liked to keep up with the academy, as even though he worked in Starfleet, his upbringing, education and earliest work had revolved heavily around the centre and facilities here.  
The meeting had been compelling and was drawing to a close as the final topic on the agenda was discussed; Space Crafts.  
"Spock," one of the elders began, "We must ask you if we may acquire your expertise."  
"Of course, professor." He replied, awaiting the question.  
"Design and construction is being commenced on, hopefully, a new type of dynamic space craft, and we would like you to come and work with the teams in the initial phases, as your earliest, and most comprehensive work has been in Vulcan aerodynamics." He studied his expression, "Your assistance would be of much benefit." Spock contemplated the prospects,  
"But professors, I have work to do back on Earth, in Starfleet." He felt torn by several different prospects,  
"Do not worry Spock, the work would only be temporary, you would not need to give up your position in Starfleet Academy." He reassured him. "We would be most grateful you if you would consider our offer." Expectant eyes peered upon him, and he suddenly felt doubt, yet intrigue by the possibilities. He thought before he spoke,  
"If I could make the necessary arrangements..." He trailed off,  
"Of course, we will give you a week to think and get back to us." And with that, the elders concluded the meeting, leaving Spock wondering about the direction of his life. His work was here before it was in teaching at the academy, and he could recall talk about the craft design that the elders were referring too from his visit a few months ago. Usually he wouldn't have hesitated. He would have contacted earth immediately, and got to work as soon as possible. But he knew what was holding him back, as faced with the very real possibility of relatively long term separation, he didn't know if he would be able to leave Nyota.

Nyota had been away from him for five days now with no word and she couldn't take it anymore. More to the point she couldn't take her thoughts of uncertainty. Nyota sat on the bed with her receiver cell in her hand. It was the morning where she was, so she figured it would be sometime during the day on Vulcan. She flipped open the device and dialled up his cell number. It beeped monotonously at her as she waited for him to pick up. And waited. And waited. Eventually the automated function took over and informed her in an irritating voice that 'the person you contacted is away from their device'. This annoyed her, but she assumed he would be busy. Nyota didn't want her call to be for nothing, so she waited for the leave a message signal. She sighed, suddenly she couldn't think of anything to say, maybe it was a good job Spock hadn't picked up, she stuttered,  
"Uh, Hey Spock, it's Nyota." Good start, she thought, "I just wanted to ring, and make sure you were okay... I miss you." She bit her lip and ended the message. Throwing the receiver gently on the bed in front of her, she suddenly felt needy. Maybe she shouldn't have called him at all. All she could do now was wait to see if he would get back to her, and try and quell the now even more erratic thoughts. She decided she would refresh herself on her studies to take her mind off it.  
Two days later and it was New Years Eve, with nothing from him. Nyota scrolled through her receiver cell, anger building inside of her. Frustrated she threw the stupid thing on the floor by her bed and decided to go for a run. A nice long run in the cold winters air would clear her head for sure. Running trainers on, winter gear and a cute wooly hat for style, she was dressed in record time. As soon as she stepped out the house, she broke into a pace. The iced over snow crunched satisfyingly beneath her feet and her breath puffed out like clouds of ice in front her. The town her parents lived in and that she grew up in was fairly small, but it was very picturesque, she had always enjoyed watching the seasons changed and forgot how much she missed it when she went away to Starfleet Academy. She jogged through the park towards the shops and started to get angry with herself. How could she let herself get so consumed by a man? This man who can quite easily forget about her. She felt so stupid for expecting so much. What had happened to her? She hated herself for being so absorbed by the thought of him, so eager to impress him, to have his attention. She hated him for being so in control all the time, of himself, his emotions, always knowing what to say. Always being so smart about everything and logical. And she hated him for kissing her like that, the way his lips fit perfectly with her, and for being the most incredible lover she has ever been with, not that she had been with many. All of a sudden she could barely breathe. Flustered and overcome with emotion she stopped to stretch out her muscles and focus on her breathing. With her foot up on the back of a bench she looked around. She had reached the first street with some shops on. It was early afternoon and there were a fair few people around, shopping for groceries and party items for the big night. She observed people walking in and out of shops, happily chatting, couples, families, friends, when all of a sudden, she saw a figure she thought she recognised. Standing looking in a shop window, she couldn't be sure, but when they turned and began walking towards her, there was no doubt about it. It was Spock.

Unusually, Spock didn't really have much of a plan. He knew the town in which Nyota was staying with her parents but he did not know the house. He had traveled back to Starfleet Academy two days ago to make arrangements for his work to be covered next term so he could take up the job on Vulcan. Further details into the job specified that he would only be needed for a month, so he felt it was an agreeable length of time, and one in which it meant he did not have to make any big life altering plans. However there was still the question of Nyota. A month may not be long in terms of work, but in terms of not seeing some one you care about - seven days apart felt like it had been a year, so a month would feel akin to a lifetime. It was early afternoon as he walked down another street of shops. It was cold here, much colder than Vulcan but the interesting buzz of life from the people distracted him some what from the cold. He glanced in the shop windows as he passed, but one particular display caught his eye. It was the window of a small trading shop. Odd trinkets and antiques were displayed in the window. He paused, wondering how he was going to find Nyota. He turned to move on, thinking he could ask around or find a residency booker when he looked up, and there she was. Leg propped up on a bench stretching. He gazed at her momentarily thinking about the coincidental nature of his thoughts and reality, and how his mother or any other human would say it was 'a stroke of luck'. She saw him, and looked momentarily shocked as he waked towards her.  
"Spock what are you doing here?" She asked with a mixture of emotion,  
"I am in fact, looking for you Nyota." He said warmly. He opened his mouth to continue when she cut him off, anger wavering in her voice,  
"Why haven't you contacted me?" She said rather loudly and then looked about her to check if anyone was staring, she lowered her voice slightly, "I called you! You didn't return it, did you even get my message?" Spock thought for a moment, feeling Uhura's eyes piercing into his, she had never looked at him like this before,  
"I do not believe I have got a call from you, although I have not checked my receiver cell for a few days now."  
"Well maybe you should!" She shouted at him, this time not caring if anyone looked. He felt confused by her tone and ferocity of emotions.  
"Nyota..." He began, his voiced hushed. She threw her arms up in a dismissive manner,  
"Y'kn... I... I just... I don't even..." She huffed and quickly turned and walked away from him, before breaking into a jog. Bemused by her behaviour, he followed her at a distance, as he wouldn't be able to catch up to her and didn't want to fight with her in public. Her footsteps in the snow provided a convenient trail for him to follow. He studied her tread as he followed it and thought to himself. For whatever reason that she was angry at him now, he had a distinct feeling that her mood would not be improved by him having to break the news of his temporary job on Vulcan. He also deduced that from the angle and pressure on the snow of her tread, that she had weak arches in her feet. After a few minutes he reached a small road and in the distance, saw her enter one of the houses.  
He approached her front door, rang the door bell once and stepped back. After a few moments, the door slowly opened and Nyota stepped out, closing it behind her. She was in a large hoodie and yoga pants, with a pair of festive looking slippers on. Her hair was loose and fell around her shoulders.  
"I am sorry for running away from you like that, but I cannot talk to you right now. I feel let down and led on." She said quietly, "I just need some time, can you come back this evening? We are having a party for the New Year, and I want you to be there." Her tone was different again, less angry, but still sullen. Spock nodded,  
"Of course," he agreed, "Nyota, if I have upset you in some way, please know I would never intentionally hurt you." He felt concern that she doubted him,  
"I know, Spock. I will see you later, yes?" She replied, he looked at her face, she was barely making eye contact with him, he felt a knot twist in his stomach,  
"Yes." He quietly spoke, and carefully gave her a meaningful kiss on the cheek before walking away from the house.  
Spock went back to the hotel he had checked into in the town for the few hours before he could see Nyota again. He showered and redressed into something more respectable to attend a New Years party in, and tried to decipher why he felt so pained by the recollection of Nyota's words. He closed his eyes and saw her frustrated expression again, the way she stared daggers at him and the way he couldn't get through to her. He then remembered what she had said about the message on his cell, and immediately dug it out of his bag. He switched it on, and a message alert appeared on the screen. He swiftly opened it and listened. She started off sounding weak and indecisive, but there was nothing hesitant at all about the way she had said 'I miss you'. He sighed and it all suddenly seemed so obvious. He understood her icy, disappointed emotion toward him and even agreed that she should feel that way. He had missed her too, but realised that he had not been brave enough to pick up the phone and say it too her. If only he had foreseen the implications of his lack of action. He wondered if she knew just how much she meant to him, and dreaded having to tell her about leaving for Vulcan. He closed his eyes again and breathed, trying to prepare himself for the emotions that will be thrown at him when he tells her the news.


	10. Chapter 10: The Cold Truth

Chapter Ten: The Cold Truth

20:00hrs, the party had not yet started and Nyota was touching up her hair and make up, trying to gather her thoughts as well as compose herself. She gulped down the last of her coffee as she stared intently at her eyes in the mirror, checking to see if her eyeliner was even. It had taken a lot for her to be angry with Spock this afternoon. She couldn't deny, she was angry, but when she saw him she had to battle with the side of herself that was crazy about him, just to stop herself from leaping into his arms, letting him off the hook and completely forgetting about being so torn with doubt because she was so blinded by her own emotions. She had to be logical, a difficult thing for anyone to be when the other emotion fighting to be in charge is love. She was proud of herself for accomplishing restraint, taking charge and hopefully, making Spock think about what it takes to be in a relationship. She did not know what time he would turn up tonight, she just hoped he did. She was ready to talk things through with him and explain. She really missed him. Seeing him so unexpectedly, being reserved, and then when he kissed her on the doorstep. It may have only been on the cheek but the electricity that came with it was as strong as ever, if not stronger because of the circumstances.  
An hour and a glass of champagne later, all the guests had arrived and were merrily chatting and laughing away. But there was still no sign of Spock. Nyota drifted through the house wistfully, not wanting to linger long in any one place for fear of being dragged into a deep, nostalgic conversation with a family member or friend. She was pleasantly making sure her grandmother was alright when she heard the door. She quickly hurried down the hall towards it, her father almost beat her there but she frantically shooed him away before he turned the door handle. She opened the door and there he was, looking statuesque and sexy in a long dark coat with the light from the house and shadows from the dark outside reflecting the angles in his face. His eyes were deep and smouldering as he looked at her. She felt weak at the knees and momentarily thrilled at the feelings he ignited in her, but quickly composed, she couldn't lose her head now not after she has come this far. She invited him in the house and took his coat from him. He was wearing a shirt that was the same style as the one he had worn on their date to the restaurant, but this one was a deep plum colour. She felt weak again as she observed how good he looked so quickly moved them forward.  
"We should talk." She said, "Come through to the study, it's quiet there." she lead the way through the house, past the dining room and onto the little study facing out to the back garden. She closed the door softly behind them and watched for a moment as Spock observed the room. It was quite a large study, bookcases lined the two side walls with a large teak desk at the end of the room facing the window. There was a plush green love seat in the middle of the room next to a side table that housed an ornate lamp. She sat on the sofa and gestured for him to join her.  
"I am so sorry I was angry with you today." She began, "It's just, I had been so unprepared to see you so soon, and I have been battling so much with myself lately." She paused for a moment, unsure of how to continue, "I missed you... And I hadn't heard from you, so I started wondering..." She trailed off, noticing how almost pathetic her doubts seemed when spoken aloud. She didn't know what to say.  
"I missed you too, Nyota." Spock quietly broke their silence, an air of slight uncertainty was in his voice that she did not recognise, "I too, was battling with whether or not I should contact you. I did not wish to disturb you-"  
"Spock you would never be disturbing me!" Nyota cut in excitedly, relief washing over her that he had missed her too and admiration in seeing Spock's doubtful side. Clearly their relationship had already started to make him think. He looked at her contemplatively. "If you miss me, day or night, holiday or no holiday, whenever; call me, come and see me. I will always be there for you." She looked into his eyes, "It's what you do when you love someone, tell them, be there for them. Whenever."  
"Fascinating." He replied, she raised her eyebrows at him, "This is a somewhat different tangent to the usual social regulations, I would never wish to disrespect your privacy,"  
"Spock..." She rolled her eyes and smiled, "You would never be doing that, you are far more important to me. Besides, I don't need privacy when it comes to you. I don't want to have to hide things from you, you should know the real me."  
"I see, so long as you are sure?" He asked still, his eyes awash with thoughts,  
"Yes I am sure." They talked for a little while longer, Nyota happily answering his questions about their relationship, thrilled that he had questions, thrilled he wanted to try, to do things right, and overjoyed that he had missed her.

Nyota had been most informative in providing answers to the questions that Spock had about the foundations of their relationship. He knew he still had much to learn, to put into practice and that it would take him some time to adjust to a part of life that was seemingly limitless, but he was grateful that he had Nyota to learn these new things with. He was struggling though, as time had ticked on and the conversation had grown ever more intimate, it was creating an even harsher circumstance to break the news of his off planet work to Nyota. He watched her as they talked, a smile never leaving her face, true contemplation in her eyes as she thought of the best answers that would benefit them both. He felt the knot in his stomach again. She suddenly looked past him and gasped,  
"Oh my god! Spock, it's almost midnight!" She jumped to her feet as she looked at the clock, "Come, we should watch for fireworks." She outstretched her hands to him and he took them willingly, allowing her to lead him over to the window. They stood in silence for a moment looking out, and he new it was now or never.  
"Nyota," he turned her to face him and took both of her hands in his. "This evening has been of much educational benefit for me, and I hope you realise how much you mean to me." He told her, looking for recognition in her face,  
"Of course, Spock," she smiled up at him.  
"Good, it's just, there is something I must tell you." The minutes were passing, 23:58hrs and counting, "I have been offered a temporary position at the Vulcan Science Academy to assist in the design work of new space craft. The job would be for a month or so and starts this coming Monday. I have told the professors there I will take the job, and I must leave Earth on Sunday."  
00:00hrs. Midnight. A New Year. The chiming of the clock and distant cheering of people was the only thing breaking the stunned silence that surrounded them. Spock frantically studied Nyota's face, but it was expressionless. Not even her eyes could portray a distinct emotion. He waited patiently for a reply, the seconds dragging for eternity,  
"What..?" She whispered flatly, eyes fixed on his. He frowned at her, did he need to repeat it, had she not heard? He was about to when she let go of his hands and stepped back, her eyes dipped and she was staring directly at his chest. She no longer looked at him, but through him, straight through his heart. Spock found himself in the unusual position of being unsure how to proceed, he came to the conclusion that he should merely wait for her to react.  
"How long have you known this?" She asked, still staring through him,  
"I was asked three days ago in a meeting on Vulcan." He told her the facts,  
"Three days..." She whispered and nodded vacantly, her tone one he couldn't register, "And you just, made the decision?" She asked a little louder. Puzzled, Spock picked up on the dramatic mood shift in the room, he thought best to continue with caution,  
"Not immediately," he began, "There were things that I had to consider..."  
"Oh really?" She remarked, "Like what?"  
"Travel, Starfleet, Accommodation, cover," he began quickly but then stopped short when he realised he had fallen head first into a dangerous answer. Nyota's eyes were like fire as she stared directly at his face, "There was also you, Nyota." He tried to save himself,  
"Oh great!" She said mock-enthusiastically, "I'm so glad to hear that I was part of your decision making!" Spock sensed this was another linguistic trap, he sighed,  
"I did not include you, and only made the decision alone as I felt that a month in a temporary job would not alter my life so drastically that I had to consult you." He said, desperately wanting her to understand.  
"And you do not think a month is a long time?" She asked, all the previous joy in her from earlier in the evening vaporised,  
"In terms of a job of this nature, no." He replied, "It will keep me sufficiently busy to make the time pass quickly." He could see she was thinking about everything,  
"So where do I fit in with all this if you are going to be, 'sufficiently busy'?" She asked, a hint of bitterness in her voice.  
"I did not mean it like that, I will always make time for you Nyota." He tried to reconcile,  
"Yeah, I get it, just treat me like another job, something to be scheduled." She snapped back at him, he could see he was loosing this battle,  
"No, quite the contrary, I-" She raised her hands and interrupted him,  
"Don't, I should have known better. A leopard will never change its spots and you sure as hell can't change a Vulcans attitude. It's all work with you Spock. It's logic. Not love." She turned away from him, unable to look at him but his eyes were fixed on her. He wanted so desperately for her to understand that it was just a small job, that it would be over quickly, that it wouldn't change their relationship. He couldn't find the words, so he said the only thing he could say.  
"This job, the time apart will not change how I feel about you. Nothing could do that." He waited to see if she would respond, but she didn't, she still stood with her back turned to him. He walked up behind her to be as near to her as he could without touching her, "I am obviously yet to learn what to say in a circumstance like this that would make you understand, that would put your mind at ease, so I will just say this; I love you, Nyota."  
He watched her and heard her breath catch, they stood in silence for a moment,  
"I think you should go." She choked out in a whisper. Spock suddenly felt fixed to the spot. He didn't want to go, not like this, he wanted to hold her, for her to tell him that she understood, that she too loved him. He clenched his fists with restraint and in a bid to hold his emotions together. Silently he walked away, out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Nyota stood alone in the solitary silence of the room and couldn't hold herself together anymore. Tears began to gush down her cheeks and her balance had forsaken her. She collapsed to the floor, her nails digging into the surface of the teak desk as the only support for her fall. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. He was gone, she had sent him. He said he loved her and she loved him, but then why did it hurt so much? A new job? Was his job here on earth not enough? How could he have made the decision without her? With too many questions and no answers to console her, the only thing Nyota felt she could do was cry.  
Unsure of how long she had been sat there, a little while later she couldn't cry anymore. She just sat, and stared blankly into the distance, no ideas of what to do. She took a deep breath and tried to regain some control. Standing up, she looked at the clock, 00:42hrs, Spock had left a little after midnight. Nyota leaned on the desk and thought about their fight. One month, in temporary work, on Vulcan. She smiled to herself with realisation, he had told her he loved her, and he had come all the way here to tell her about the job. She smiled at the thoughts of all the gestures he had made in one day. Okay he hadn't called her over the past week, and didn't get her message two days ago, but he actually flew to Earth, from Vulcan, and then made his way here to find her. The news must have been why he had looked so distracted. How could she have not asked him if he was okay? How could she have been so self centred, so caught up in her own insecurities over how he felt about her when his true feelings have been so obvious from his actions! What was she doing? Suddenly, panic filled her. She had argued with him when he was only looking to make her understand. To try and work things out. She had just driven him away after he had said 'I love you', something that is not easy to say whether you're human or Vulcan. She had to find him and apologise, beg for his forgiveness even after the way she had acted. A million thoughts buzzed about her brain as she thought. Where could he be? There was one hotel in town but what if he had gone back to the Academy? That thought frightened her but her legs were already walking her out of the study and toward the front door. She had to find him. She would find him.  
In a bubble of determination, Nyota didn't even stop to remove her spoiled make up or put on a jacket. She pushed past her family and friends, ignoring comments and questions thrown at her, asking her what was wrong, and who that man was, and where she was going and headed straight out the door and into the night. It had started to snow again and her heels sank into the settled ground as she walked quickly up the road. It was freezing out, but she didn't care, even in her dress, it wasn't important, finding Spock was important. She walked fast through the little town, people were out on the streets laughing and traveling from bar to bar, but she took little notice, all she could think about was how much she loved Spock, and how stupid she had been. Blinking back the tears against the cold, she approached the hotel and went inside. A few people stared at her as she made her was to the front desk, probably thinking she was some kind of prostitute, but she had no time to care about the idle speculation of others.  
"Hi," Nyota sniffed as she spoke to the receptionist, "Do you have anyone here under the name 'Spock'?" She asked,  
"Let me just check," the little man said eyeing her and swiftly flicked through the computer, "Yes, but we don't just allow anyone in as they please." He judged her,  
"Well I'm not anyone! I need to see him it's really important, please!" She watched him as he looked her over and made a decision, he sighed, Nyota meanwhile had unintentionally started to shiver.  
"Fine," the receptionist said, "Mr. Spock is in room 38 on the first floor."  
"Thank you so much!" Nyota said fleetingly as she raced up the stairs.

Spock was aimlessly looking out of the window. He was unsure how he felt, but he somehow didn't feel he had the strength to do anything. He had his receiver cell clenched tightly in his hand. He wanted to call her, but he did not know what he would say, or if she would even listen. He felt defeated as he played their conversation and their argument over and over again in his head, he could not see what he could have done differently. There was nothing he could have done to have avoided the outcome he got. Reliving the words gave him feelings of sickness. The ferocity and disappointment in Nyota's voice when she aired her thinking that he thought she was just something else to be scheduled, that she doubted his emotions. Having to leave that room without her understanding and her love was one of the hardest things he could recall having to do. He suddenly felt pain. Actual, physical pain that disturbed his thoughts. He looked down at his right hand and saw his knuckles were grey with a slight tint of green. Turning his hand over, a small trickle green blood slowly ran down his wrist. Unclenching his fist, he saw that his emotions had lead him to destroy his receiver cell, consequently getting a few shards of material stuck in his hand. He let the pieces of device fall to the floor and focused on pulling the smaller bits out of his hand. He noticed how his hand showed a similarity to his emotions. Attacked, scared, damaged. He slowly walked over to the bathroom to look for anything to bandage his hand with when a loud knock at the door stopped him. He hesitated, not really wanting to answer. He was not in the mood to deal with people. About to ignore it, the door knocked again, more urgently. He sighed and proceeded towards it to open it.  
Before he knew what was happening, Nyota had flung herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He stumbled slightly backwards and had to take a moment to register what was going on as he was engaged in possibly the tightest embrace he had ever received.  
"Oh Spock, I am such an idiot!" Her voice was muffled in combination with her soft sobs. She moved her head quickly and apologised several times between kissing him. Her lips and her body felt cold against his. She moved slightly out of their hold to face him,  
"I'm so sorry I overreacted. We can make this work. I love you." She smiled softly at him. Her make up was a mess and her skin discoloured from the cold, but the warmth and sincerity in her eyes was unmistakable.  
"I am glad, Nyota." He replied quietly. She smiled and returned to try and kiss him again when he remembered his hand and gently pulled away,  
"What's wrong?" Nyota asked, he saw sudden worry in her face similar to that of a child who thought they were in trouble. He merely moved his hand and she noticed, "Oh my god, what did you do!?" She squealed,  
"It was nothing," he sighed, "My emotions got the better of me and my receiver cell paid the price for my momentary lack of control." He told her, his eyes darting over to the crushed up pieces of metal on the floor by the window, her eyes followed. "If you would excuse me a moment, I must find something to dress it with."  
"No no!" Nyota stopped him, "Let me, since I'm pretty sure I was the cause. You sit down." He did as he was told while she popped into the bathroom and returned with a small packet of dressings and some sterile cloths. She sat on the bed next to him and Spock felt the newly-familiar comfort of her presence. She gently started to clean away the green blood from his cuts,  
"Tell me if I hurt you." She said,  
"Nyota, I believe it would be next to impossible for you to physically hurt me." He said,  
"But isn't it painful?" She questioned,  
"It is not pleasant, but it is far from painful." With that, she quickly continued until his hand was fully dressed. He studied it as Nyota put the bandage packages in the bin.  
"Very neat, Miss Uhura." He said, "I figure if xenolinguistics does not work out, you could excel in medicine." She stopped and looked at him, puzzled,  
"Are you trying to joke with me, Spock?" She smiled and he shrugged as he stood up and made his way towards her, his expression softened as he thought,  
"Yes, I suppose I am." He replied and she laughed at his attempt to be funny. As her laugh subsided, he studied her face and could see the emotional damage that was stricken across it. He felt internal pain,  
"I am sorry that I upset you tonight, I realise that my approach may not have been the kindest." Nyota shuffled on the spot, and hugged her arms around herself, she looked self-conscious and suddenly aware that she looked a mess in front of him.  
"No, like I said, I overreacted." She defended, still shuffling. He sighed and sensed they would argue again if he tried to insist he was the one solely in the wrong, instead, he stepped closer to her and hugged her, lifting her feet of the ground as he did. He felt her fully relax into him, it was a comfort that she felt so at ease with him, however, she still felt very cold.  
"You are almost frozen, Nyota." He said, she moved her hands to play with the back of his hair and look into his eyes,  
"Yeah, I guess I am." She replied, her eyes encouragingly gazing upon his.  
"Then we must do something to warm you up." Spock said, trying his best to imply another meaning, he knew he had been successful when she bashfully smiled back at him.  
"But I look a mess!" She giggled shyly.  
"Nyota, it is not possible for you to look a mess, for you are beautiful." She graciously took the compliment and kissed him. Sensations warmed his veins and a desire to please her over took him. He wanted Nyota to know just how much he missed her, and that he really meant it when he had told her that he loved her.


	11. Chapter 11: A New Beginning

**Chapter Eleven: A New Beginning **

Sunlight shone lazily into the room, following the fibres in the carpet and illuminating the tiny dancing dust particles that effortlessly and carelessly moved through the air. The light skimmed over a scattering of paper, intruding on the words and pierced its way along the bare skin of Nyota's arm, creating a path that lead all the way up to her shoulder blades. Besides herself, her room was empty. Gaila hadn't been around for days, or possibly weeks, Nyota couldn't really remember. They didn't see much of each other anymore because of classes, and she had actually managed to get into a relationship with someone so was busy being in a couple.  
The warmth on her arm slowly began to rouse Nyota. Her eyelids twitched as she began to focus on the strange streak of light on her arm and become accustomed to daylight once more. As she woke, she felt numb. Another day of enduring sheer emptiness. She lay on the floor a while, allowing the strip of sunlight to burn her skin, staring into it so the pattern was ingrained on her eyes. Seeing nothing but white, she sighed a little and moved. As she shifted, papers scrunched beneath her, she looked at them vaguely, she had still gotten nowhere with her assignment that was due in last week. She got herself to her feet, pulling bits of paper that had stuck to exposed pieces of skin off herself and looked at the clock. 07:52hrs. Tuesday, or was it Wednesday? No it was definitely Tuesday. Nyota breathed and tried to psych herself up a bit. Class started at 08:00hrs and she needed to shower so it looked like she would have to be late again today.  
08:10hrs and Nyota sluggishly made her way to the lecture theatre. She had put extra eyeliner on today in a hopes that no one would see her tired eyes. As she walked, she looked out the windows. The day was bright and bold, like she used to be. She had always found there was something so reviving about spring in previous years, the new life from the plants, the way the birds sang, the hope in the early flower buds, but this year, it just hurt. The bright sun hurt her eyes, the trill birds hurt her ears and the fresh air stung her lungs. She snuck into the back of the lecture theatre as quietly as she could and sat on a secluded seat at the back, hoping to not attract the substitute professors attention. Or anyone's attention. She got her PADD out of her bag and switched it on, staring vacantly at the home screen as it loaded and reliably informed her that it was 08:14hrs on Tuesday the 3rd of March.  
Nyota battled with her concentration throughout the lesson. Two hour early morning advanced xenolinguistics had gone from being an engaging morning of language analysis and deciphering, to being the mental equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. The professor was boring, the work was repetitive and everything just reminded her of Spock. And it hurt. Everything had seemed so hopeful. A month, he had said and she had been foolish enough to believe him. Clingy enough to stick by him. Now two months down the line, it was slowly killing her. All the effort, the time and conversations had turned on her and were eating away at her, with the original thought that she could actually change Spock leading the pack. It had started off so promisingly. Saying goodbye was hard on that cold January morning at the shipyard, but Spock had promised to keep in touch and he did. For a few weeks they had phone calls nearly everyday, the hour of the calls were completely erratic but it was contact with him and she found serenity in hearing his voice. Then the conversations dwindled. Their calls went from being two hours down to twenty minutes. Spock was suddenly so, Vulcan again. It was as if the wall she had been taking down brick by brick over the past months with him had been built back up again in a matter of days. He stopped calling. As did she as she struggled to find things to say that would elicit any continuing detailed response. His answers were brief and distracted, and when she asked him about it, he just told her that work was consuming his thoughts. Eventually, after a few final questioning phone calls to him, she ran out of spirit.  
Nyota could picture her shaking hand hovering over her receiver cell on her nightstand and remember the self-conflict in her emotions, for this had been a scene that she had put herself through on many nights. Fighting herself not to call him. Denying herself satisfaction from her addiction to hearing Spock's voice. It was on one of those nights that she decided to renounce him. She would prevent any thoughts of him to enter her mind and any feelings about him to occupy her time. Yet she did not predict that in doing so, it would oppress her soul. Spock had become a big part of her life and without him, she felt as if part of her world had disappeared. Things did not look the same without him there to point out the extraordinary. She had suddenly been stranded, banished from his comfort and caving under the weight of the void that he left behind. Not thinking of him gave her time to focus on that void; it's ugly hollowness filled with distant snide comments telling her she was a fool to have tried, that she was never really going to be good enough for him. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, depression had buried its scrofulous claws into her mind and refused to let go.

Repose filled the room as Spock watched Nyota sleeping, silently mesmerised by her. The way her chest rose and fell, her slender curves, her warm skin that was softer than anything he had ever felt and contrast so beautifully against the sheets. The sweet smell of her; vanilla, jasmine and sweet coffee comforted him. Her scent was etched into his sensory memory and it was a perfume he would never forget. He drank in the sight of her, beautiful and serene and completely his, but gradually everything started to blur and she started drifting away from him, further and further, getting more and more faint and blurred. Desperation started to overwhelm him, he tried reaching out to her, he called her name, he'd do anything to get her back to him-  
Spock sat up blot-right and harshly sucked in a breath as he surveyed his surroundings. Darkness. Bedroom. Vulcan. Alone. 03:47hrs and 32seconds. He sighed and covered his hands with his face. He was beginning to loathe that dream. He had been witness to it approximately nine times in the past two weeks, this was now the tenth. He sank back down the bed and tried to regain control of his thoughts. He hated how that dream made him feel. He had analysed it and understood it a million times but always achieved the same outcome, helplessness.  
He got up knowing he would not be able to sleep again that night and quietly got ready for the day, not wanting to wake his parents and left the house by 04:00hrs. He walked down the road aimlessly in the direction of the subterranean shuttles, light was beginning to surface around the fringes of the city skyline yet it did not mean the city was waking up, it would already be awake, it never really slept. Vulcans were not famous for being fond of resting if there was something more intriguing to do.  
He travelled the short distance to the Vulcan Science Academy and moved quickly around the people who busily hurried through the corridors towards his flight design room. The space was made up of two adjoining rooms. One large conference type room, with a table centred with a holographic projection unit so holograms of the crafts can be viewed and discussed. The other room contained four double-screened computers and another projection unit. All the designing and detailing was done on the computers, calculated and projected before it was built, and from here, Spock tracked the progress of the craft that was being built under his supervision and expertise. It was a demanding and highly sought after job, one he had felt gratitude for at the start, but now it conflicted him. It was no longer a strong enough distraction from the thoughts of Nyota, and coupled with the broken promise of it only taking a month, he was starting to feel torn. He couldn't deny, he did enjoy this project, but there was a part of him that yearned to be back on earth, back teaching languages to the students, and being closer to Nyota.

In the computer room, he was surprised to find Se'tek, the elder who was overlooking the project and who had asked Spock to run it at their meeting at Christmas.

"Spock," he greeted him, "You are here earlier than usual?"

He paused, looking around before he replied, "Indeed, Se'tek."

"I have been going through your current report and I must give you credit where credit is due." He moved the conversation on. "The craft is coming along flawlessly."

Spock glanced at the screen he was looking at, "Thank you. Yes." He felt distracted.

Se'tek eyed him watchfully for a moment, but Spock spoke his mind before he could be asked.

"Professor, I hope that you do not perceive my enquiry as rude but," He paused, "I was reliably informed that the placement here would only be for a month, I -"

"Spock I am aware of your multi-situation, both here and in Earth's Starfleet," he interrupted, "As soon as this craft is complete, and tests have been run, you will be free to return to Earth and other models will be built in its design without the need of your help."

Spock nodded and Se'tek continued, "Looking at the progress, I would say it will take no more than a week for this project to be complete."

"A week?" Spock was almost taken aback.

"Indeed Spock. It is almost complete, just a few more details to add." He pointed over to a computer at the other side of the room, "And the sooner the details are addressed the sooner they will be made."

Spock said no more but sat at the computer immediately and scanned the list on the screen. A few weapon modifications, balance distributors, life support enhancers and the craft would be complete. He felt a new sense of determination, hope of returning to earth and being with Nyota again. He stretched briefly at the computer looking at the work and thought, as his mother would say with Earth fondness, there is no time like the present.

Nyota clicked the send icon on her computer screen, transferring her late essay over to the professor. She sighed as sat back in the uncomfortable library chair. She had finally managed to catch up with the work, and honestly, she had found it of some help to take her mind off Spock. With the work out of the way she felt unsure of what to do. Her mind had been so clouded by work she had forgotten about what she used to do in her free time, for fun. As she thought, Spock started to appear in her mind again. She used to go out with him for fun. She dug her nails into the table and blinked back the tears as she remembered some of their dates. She inhaled sharply just as water began to fall down her cheeks. Swimming! She thought, managing to distract her thoughts. She used to like swimming in her free time. She stood up, wiped her eyes and headed back to her dorm for her things.  
The best thing about the academy pool was that Nyota always knew when it would be quiet. She felt lucky for this, as she really didn't want anyone to see her crying. What would she possibly say if someone asked her what was wrong? 'Oh I just really miss Professor Spock as he has completely forgotten me. FYI we were dating.' She shrugged and sighed to herself before stopping to rethink her words. She crumbled under the blunt reason. It was true, he had just forgotten her now. She quickly wiped away the tears sniffing, trying to pull herself together. A nice swim will do her wonders. It usually does.  
The water was perfect and Nyota relaxed into it. Submerging, she swam a length under the surface. The water temporarily blocked out the world and she felt different, existential but in a calming way. Just, away from the world and her thoughts for a while, concentrating on moving through the water. She surfaced at the other end, keeping her eyes closed for a moment and allowing her breathing to steady. Opening her eyes faced her with the world again and she sighed at reality.  
Floating onto her back, she stared at the ceiling, water filling her ears, only listening to herself. Everything still hurt. No matter what she seemed to do, the truth always got to her and slapped her across the face not letting her forget it, or forget him. Was there nothing she could do to escape this? Close to tears again, she swam forward and dived down once more. She pushed herself to swim all the way down to the bottom of the pool. As she reached the tiles, she ran her hands along them. They felt rougher than they looked, like she did. As she felt her way along the bottom, she slowly forgot the world again and enjoyed it. Then a thought crossed her mind; maybe she could just stay down here? With the ambiguous tiles? She laid down on them, allowing their surface to scratch her skin and allowing her eyelids to begin to droop. She felt tired. She was tired. Exhausted from emotion and fighting herself. Her eyelids closed and muscles relaxed, maybe she could be free from it after all...  
Blood pumping, heart pounding and suddenly the recollection of his face. Pain. Lungs stinging, heart aching, no use fighting. You still love him.  
Gushing to the surface Nyota opened her eyes and breathed all the air she could. She thrashed to the side of the pool, clinging onto the edge, panting. Low point. What was she doing?

Spock stifled a yawn as he left the construction hanger. 19:00hrs and he felt it time to return home. He hadn't worked such a intensive 15hour day since starting teaching at Starfleet. As he travelled home, he checked of tasks in his mind, what had been accomplished today and what still needed doing. He wanted to phone Nyota, he needed to tell her. But would she listen? It had been so long since they had spoken. It had been so difficult to talk to her, the distance between them had made conversation harder. He felt he could not explain the work he was doing if he could not show her, and her frequent complaints about the new professor angered him that he could not help her and that his class was being ruined. He sighed, exasperated at the thought. However, maybe a phone call with promising news will put things right again.  
As Spock got back to his parents house, a different scent caught him as he got in the door. Orange Pekoe Tea. The expensive type his mother liked from Earth. The type she only used in the house on special occasions. Suddenly feeling more awake, he followed the smell through to the siting room facing out onto the garden, wondering what the occasion could be.  
In the room, his mother and father were sat on one side, facing three guests. Spock recognised two of them immediately, and the third vaguely. It was his fathers friend, S'Treton and his wife, they had been long family friends. He could not quite identify the other woman sat with them though.

"Ah Spock!" His mother put down her tea and jumped to her feet to greet him, "You remember S'Treton and his wife don't you?" She gestured to them and for him to sit and join them.

"Yes mother, of course I do." He said and addressed them, "It is very good to see you again." They nodded politely in response and he sat down on a free chair as his mother poured him some tea.

"Spock," his father began, "I don't suppose you remember Trela'dae?" He said as he nodded at the woman sat beside S'Treton. He studied her face for a moment. Her hair was a dark, sandy colour and her eyes were sharp green. She had delicate facial features and he couldn't deny she was very pretty. Yes, he remembered her.

"Indeed, I have some recollection of you as a child, a few years younger than myself and being in the school library." Spock replied.

"Yes, I remember those days." She nodded, agreeing with him.

The mood changed slightly in the room and Spock's mother shifted uneasily in her seat. He studied the faces of the people in the room and sipped his tea, when he suddenly figured it out. He breathed harshly and set his cup back down on the table. Trela'dae watched his every move.

"I trust you have worked out what this gathering is about?" His father asked

"Of course, father." He answered strongly

"You and Trela'dae are now both at the age where your lives must progress, and as you know, like most Vulcans, you have been paired for many years." S'Treton stated.

This was news to Spock. He knew of Trela'dae, he knew of pairings but he did not know he was in one. His parents had always informed him that they would let him be free to make his own choices. He glanced at them. Amanda's eyes had not left her tea and Sarek's face was, for now, unreadable.

"Today we have come to move things forward," S'Treton continued, "We must agree a date for when the first preparations for marriage can begin to be made."

The word 'marriage' hit Spock hard, he almost felt physical pain in his stomach.

"Two weeks from today would be an acceptable date for us to meet. Would this be suitable for you?" Trela'dae's father asked.

Spock's parents nodded before looking to Spock. He swallowed hard and thought.

"Yes I believe this would be acceptable." He said, trying not to let emotion show in his voice. Gratitude was expressed all round as they showed S'Treton and his family out. Spock finding it more and more difficult as they dragged out their goodbyes. As soon as the door was closed he found his parents staring at him. Worry consumed his mothers face and there was even something akin to the emotion in his fathers eyes.

Spock did not know how to feel. He was finally sure of his life again today but now. He just stood their, waiting for someone to say something. His mother couldn't make eye contact with him. He knew what she was thinking. She knew full well about Nyota.

"We only did not tell you about Trela'dae as we felt sure that she would have been paired with someone else." Sarek said. "It has been a surprise for us too."

A surprise? Spock thought, unable to speak. He sighed and walked away from his parents. He was conflicted as he thought of no one but Nyota. He could not do this to her, after everything that they have been through, not this too. He wondered how he would tell her, and what he was going to do now, for one thing he was sure of, he could not marry Trela'dae.


	12. Chapter 12: Darkness and Light

**Chapter Twelve: Darkness and Light**

**A/N: Hey Guys! Sorry its been forever! Been busy with exams coming up and stuff. Watched Star Trek Into Darkness on the 9th at the cinema and it was fantastic! I hope you all go and see it! Spock and Uhura were adorable! Enjoy the new chapter and thanks for the ongoing support! :-)**

It had been a week since that almost fatal afternoon at the pool. Nyota couldn't deny that she felt shaken by her actions so had taken a few days off mid-week and been to see her mother back home. A few days under her watchful eye and crying her soul out did the world of good, and she realised how helpful it had been to just let it all out to someone.  
Back at the Academy, Nyota was slowly beginning to find the spring in her step again, and allowed the vitality and hope that the new season brought to repair her spirit.  
Monday 10th March, 07:00hrs and Nyota was up and back into her routine. She showered, changed, applied her make-up, grabbed her bag and her PADD and was out the dorm by 07:24hrs. She followed the halls to the cafeteria to grab her usual coffee, gazing through the fresh, bright sunlight that shone through the gigantic windows and allowed her mind to think about her day. Her lecture had been cancelled this morning, meaning unusually, she had a free Monday. Paying for her coffee, she headed out onto the campus grounds and towards her favourite bench in the sun under the Palecktori tree. It's leaves were sunset orange in the spring. As she walked, coffee in one hand, PADD in the other, she remembered she needed to do some phonology revision so she unlocked the device. As soon as she did, a little green alert flashed up on her screen, informing her of a new message.  
She opened it and her heart stopped. It was as if time itself ceased as she focused on the name of the sender, her coffee falling from her grasp and emptying onto the path at her feet.

_1 New Message - Commander Spock_  
_Sent at 02:43hrs - Earth Time, 10th March_

_Nyota. I am returning to Earth this morning. I would very much like to see you. Urgently._

Nyota couldn't move. She read it and read it again, over and over until it was just a blur on the screen. Coming back? Like to see her? Urgently? Her heart pumped so hard she could feel it through her chest. She felt angry, empty, how can he come home now when she needed him most a week ago. Was he just expecting to turn up and for her to be perfectly okay with this? Her emotions raged from anger to sadness, but through the conflict, she suddenly felt butterflies. The same butterflies that she had felt in her chest all those months ago back in the Planetarium Observatory, right before Spock had first kissed her. He was coming back to her.  
She pulled herself out of her trance and stepped out of the puddle of coffee. Picking up the empty cup and putting it in the bin, she sat down on her bench looking at the message again. With dozens of anxious thoughts floating about her head, she almost had heart failure when a familiar, cheeky cadet jumped out from behind the bench.

"Uhura!" Cadet Kirk beamed at her with his usual charm-filled, self-loving smile. She fumbled with the lock on her PADD and prayed he hadn't read the message. Composing herself, she stood up to face him.

"What do you want, Kirk?" She answered as she shoved the device in her bag. He laughed lightly and looked at the coffee running down the path,

"To buy you another coffee, maybe?" He pointed at her playfully. She glanced at the floor and sighed, exasperated by him already, "That's if you wouldn't mind coming to do some zero-g training with me?" He added in his terms, still smiling at her as innocently as he could.

"I- I don't know Kirk..." She replied, not really feeling up to it in light of her message,

"Oh come on!" He chimed, "I know you're free! I checked your timetable!" Nyota frowned and started to object again, but Jim cut her off, "It'll be fun, I promise! Lets go!"

He gently grabbed her arm and led her in the direction of the training centre. She did need to do some zero-g training, it had been weeks, and even if Jim Kirk did annoy the crap out of her, maybe it would stop her mind from racing with thoughts of Spock.

**Spock** watched for the 'sent' icon on his PADD, before gently setting it down on the bed by his small suitcase. He knew it would be the early hours of Monday morning on earth, so hoped his message would get to Nyota when she woke up, before his arrival in the late hours of the morning. Work on the shuttle craft was officially complete, making Spock free to return to earth. He had been looking forward to this day, but now, he dreaded the thoughts of it, for he knew he could not settle there.  
It had been a difficult week in his household. The disruption S'Treton and his family had brought lingered, leaving Spock having to conceal his emotions and go along with everything. His parents knew he was unhappy about the arrangements being made, but only his mother knew the reason behind it. He had asked his mother to refrain from telling his father of Nyota until he had had a chance to speak to her, as he did not know where this news would leave their relationship.  
He sighed at his thoughts as he zipped up the case in front of him. He had spoken to Trela'dae once since their first meeting a week ago and he couldn't deny that she was was intelligent and interesting, but she was not Nyota. Throughout their conversation he had felt bad, as he found himself comparing her to the one he truly loved.  
Saying goodbye to his parents, he left the house and headed to the shipyard. The shuttle left for Earth at 20:00hrs.  
Spock drowsily woke to the sound of a message alert on his PADD;

_1 New Message - Cadet N. Uhura_  
_Sent at 00:36hrs - Space Time, 10th March_

_Please inform me of your arrival on Earth and a location. I shall meet you there._

The message was very professional, as his had been to her, yet he sensed that it was not written in this tone for the same reason as his. It felt colder. Less urgent, more obligatory. He frowned at it, feeling tired, there was still a few hours to go before he would be back at Starfleet.  
Stepping off the craft, he looked around, noticing the change. The air felt distinctly warmer and no longer had that fierce cold bite that accompanied Earth winters. The day was brighter and everything seemed more alive than when he left. He checked the time, 11:46hrs and wondered where Nyota could be as he made his way to the Academy.  
It felt good for Spock to be back in his quarters. The silence and the space was relaxing, and the distance from Vulcan was, for once, strangely comforting. Even though he knew he would have to return for 'the meeting', he was grateful for a chance to think alone, to sort everything out and come up with a plan to stop things before they could escalate into a marriage that would end up breaking many hearts.  
Before he messaged Nyota, he had some errands to run. He needed to check up on the results of the Kobayashi Maru simulator, and wanted to speak with the substitute professors about his classes and the work that they had been setting.  
He strode along the first floor of the Training Centre block, in the direction of the Simulator Studio. Over the balcony below him, he could hear laughter. One laugh sounded particularly familiar. He stopped in his tracks and proceeded to cautiously look over the edge for the source of the sound.  
Nyota stood below, outside the doors to the zero-g centre with James Kirk. They had obviously just finished a session as they proceeded to take off some of the equipment. He watched them as Nyota removed her harness and let it drop to the floor with a clunk of metal clasps and turned, laughing to help struggling cadet kirk undo his at the back. Nyota sat on the bench and Spock continued to watch them as every time either of them tried to open their mouth to say something, they burst into fits of laughter. He wondered what could be so amusing to them and felt a strange emotion pool in the bottom of his stomach. He breathed deeply trying to ignore the pangs of what could almost be described by a human as jealousy, and walked away not allowing his mind to become accusatory.

**Zero-g** training had awoken Nyota. She felt exercised and stretched and her mind was occupied. Fumbling with her boots as she laughed, she gasped for air and tried to talk to Kirk.

"It's really not tha-" giggles overtook her again, "It's not that hard to do, Kirk!" She sputtered out before laughing again

"Well sorry we're not all as skilled as you miss perfect!" He sarcastically replied,

Nyota was still laughing, "But how did you even manage to drop the cylinder- the cylinder on your foot in, in," her stomach and her cheeks hurt as she continued to giggle, "In zero-g!?"

Kirk rolled his eyes and laughed, "I don't know!" He shrugged, "Maybe they don't comply with the laws of physics!" He smart-assed an excuse for himself, making Nyota laugh even more.

Finally with all their equipment off, they collected their normal belongings from the lockers and proceeded out onto the grounds.

"So, how about that coffee then?" He smiled at her and she returned it,

"Sure."

The Academy was awake now, busy with cadets and staff. As Kirk bought her her coffee, she started to feel bad for judging him so much. Even though he was still an ass he had his moments of kindness. They walked down the corridors of the dorm, chatting, and all of a sudden a person turned the corner, almost crashing into them. Startled, Nyota squealed and lost grip of her coffee, again. The liquid flew into the air, followed by the polystyrene cup and she had to duck slightly to avoid it. Straightening herself up, with wide eyes she stared at Kirk who was laughing once again, and the face of her startler. It was Spock.

Jim laughed and shook his head, "You really cannot hold on to your coffee today can you, Uhura?"

She laughed nervously in reply and looked about them both, unable to change the deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression on her face.

"My apologies, Cadet Uhura." Spock spoke with chilling sincerity. This was the first time she had been with him and around another person (who wasn't a class full of cadets) since they had been together. It was juxtaposing to see his behaviour be so formal around her after all this time.

"Uhh," She squeaked, before clearing her throat, "Don't worry about it."

A tension started to rise between the three of them. Spock looking directly at her and Kirk managing to stop smirking long enough to notice an awkwardness. Nyota found herself wondering how long Spock had been back for, and just why he hadn't messaged her like she had asked. After a moment of silence and shifty looks, Spock spoke out,

"Cadet Uhura, may I speak with you please?" He said, barely batting an eyelid.  
"Of course," she replied. "I'll see you 'round Kirk."

Jim gave her a casual salute before turning and leaving them both and without a word, Spock too started to walk away, meaning the only thing Nyota could do was follow him.  
She followed just behind him all the way through the Academy to his quarters, he didn't look over his shoulder once. She stared at his neck, his shoulders, his back, even his butt and legs and had to quell the rush of feelings of desire for him. It had been so long since she had felt his body beneath her fingertips and his touch in return that it almost blinded her of her anger towards him.  
She entered the room behind him and stopped dead, the door closing behind her. Spock stood a few metres in front with his back to her, completely still, standing square, not able to bring himself to look at her. Her desire turned slowly to anguish and she clenched her teeth and fought the tears, determined not to be the person who spoke first, even though she wanted to cry and scream at him.  
Eventually, Spock turned to face her, looking her up and down carefully examining her. She didn't doubt that he could see the change in her, she was thinner. Nyota stood her ground and waited, just wondering what was going through his mind. After being thoroughly critiqued, he spoke out;

"I am sorry that our contact diminished." He said quietly. "I had not anticipated the project to be so time consuming and demanding." He paused, studying her face, looking for a reaction she was unwilling to give him.

"I can assure you that the work is complete, but I..." He stopped and looked to the ground, struggling with his expression.

"I am afraid I must return to Vulcan."

Nyota frowned, puzzled. Why would he need to go back to Vulcan? His work was here now. She watched as he focused on not letting his emotions get the better of him.

"I have other business that-" He took a breath, "That I must address." He looked at her, his eyes distressed.

"What 'other business'?" Nyota quietly snarled at him. He shifted slightly before standing taller.

"It was arranged without my knowledge, but I am to be married." His words could cut glass. She didn't believe him.

"Married?" She said disbelievingly. Spock clenched his fists and nodded, looking at the floor.

"Are you kidding me?" Nyota's voice raised. He looked confused.

"I am, unfortunately, very serious." He spoke with clarity, allowing his words to wound as they fell.

Nyota stood for a moment. Married. To a Vulcan woman. On Vulcan. Away from her. Questions buzzed about her head and she felt her skin becoming hot.

"But what about your work here? What about the Academy? Starfleet?" She paused, "What about me, Spock?"

"Nyota, I do not want to leave you," He began, "But under the circumstances, and whilst I sort things out on Vulcan, I believe it would perhaps be easier if we ended our current relationship."

"What current relationship?!" She shouted at him, tears welling up in her eyes, "I needed you!" She screamed, "I needed you and you weren't there; that isn't a relationship!" She sniffed and wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Y'know what? Fine. Good in fact, because maybe I can't do this anymore." Tears still streamed down her face,"I tried and I waited for you and I've got nothing in return, and now this?" She shook her head, exhausted.

"I've hurt too much for you, Spock. So go. Marry. Do whatever the hell you want. It's probably best for both of us."

She turned and stepped towards the door keypad, about to press the button to open it when Spock's hand was suddenly upon hers, stopping her.

**Nyota's** hand was cold and trembling slightly beneath his as he stood close to her, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Let go of me, Spock." She gulped out between tears, trying to make her shaky tone sound authoritative.

"Only if you promise not to leave this room. Not until we talk. I refuse to let you go like this." She breathed a moment and he slowly released his hand of hers.

She turned to face him. He noticed she looked smaller and more fragile in some ways. As he studied her, this Nyota who was now a shadow of the person that she was three months ago, he felt his blood begin to boil and his heart begin to hurt. This woman, once so strong, bold and full of vitality was now emotionally defeated, and he knew he was the reason for it.  
Unable to control himself and without a second thought, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. Nyota did not protest, but simply responded, encircling her arms around his shoulders and burying her face in his neck. He took comforting in holding her, admitting to himself how much he missed her touch.  
He held her for as long as he could before unwillingly releasing her from their embrace.

"Nyota, please explain to me what has happened?" He asked her with all the care he could muster. She shrugged, looking to the floor.

"Why? What difference will it make?"

"Every difference, please." He pleaded with her, "I know I have hurt you, but I must understand how."

Nyota sighed and thought for a moment.  
"I can't..." She stopped and he could see her searching for words, "I can't explain it to you. You wouldn't understand my behaviour." There was a silence between them. Spock watch her and could see he was not going to get any form of verbal answers.

"Then show me." He whispered. Nyota looked up at him, he could see the sadness in her tired eyes.

"I'm not sure you want to see." She replied.

"Please, Nyota." He raised his fingers slowly and and she stared at them, he observed as she silently fought with herself, deciding. After a moment, she took a breath, stood squarely to him and closed her eyes.  
Gently, Spock placed the tips of his fingers on her skin; her jaw, her cheekbone, her temple and lastly her forehead, before closing his eyes and allowing his mind to merge with hers.  
Her mind was submissive to him, she was being relaxed and unrestrictive. However Spock respected his mind-melding abilities and would not intrude any further into her thoughts than he had to.  
Christmas, the sights, the sounds the smells the feelings. Feelings of loneliness, self-conflict, love, unrequited love. Her thoughts from not hearing from him crowded his mind, showing him her struggle when she had later encountered him in the holidays.  
Then New Years. The image of himself. The strength of her emotions towards him and when in his presence. He could feel love fighting with anger, like darkness and light, anger was losing. Suddenly, their argument about his work. Tears. Pain. Desperation. Realisation. Pleasure rushed through Spock's mind from the recollection of their night making up together. Her want for him, her letting herself go.  
Moving on some, through January, their phone calls, her emotions were stable and elevated when speaking to him. Her learning was up to its usual high standard.  
Then doubt set in. Doubt and worry, nerves, helplessness. Their conversations had dwindled and eventually stopped. Loneliness. Cold. Sadness. More self-conflict. Staring at her receiver cell as a wild array of her thoughts filled his mind, all concerning him. He felt the full extent of her emotions fill every corner of his mind. Her fight not to call him or let him consume her thoughts, her lack of concentration, forgetfulness.  
He saw things as she did. Bleak. Cold. Pointless. She had become dragged by a routine. Wake, conflict, class, conflict, study, conflict, sleep. This repeated for days and weeks and was surrounded by an dark hollow emotion. The emotion became larger and larger whilst Nyota became smaller and smaller, being consumed by her mind, doubts and self-doubts.  
Hiding from others, from herself. Covering her body with big clothes. Spock felt physical pain from the hate she felt when she look at her own reflection in the mirror.  
She had lost sight of who she was.  
Her work then clouded her mind. It was a short time, but the thoughts of himself were background and he could see the work she did. Essays and revision yet it was over in a flash and her thoughts were consumed with him again. Their dates. He heard her laugh, saw her smiles in her recollection of having fun together.  
Water. Tears. The struggle of holding back tears, then a smell he took a moment to recognise. Chemical. Chlorine. The sight of the Academy pool. Bleak. Cold. Yet never ending. The rush of water over her skin. The overwhelming feeling of being weightless. Exhaustion. A rough texture, coarse and slightly sharp. Dusky tiles. Exhaustion. Emptiness.  
Suddenly there was nothing for him to see as she shut her eyes. He could feel the pressure of her holding her breath and slowly exhaling. Pain. Crushing pain. The sting of water entering her lungs and then an explosion of thoughts and emotion. Hate. Anger. Sadness. Repulsion. Ambivalence. Conflict. Lust. Passion. Nerves. Worry. Excitement. Joy. Desperation. Want. Loneliness. Confusion. But mostly, Love. All with him at the cause.

Spock opened his eyes sharply and removed his hand from Nyota's skin. He stumbled back, tears poured down his face and he found himself gasping for oxygen. His mind ached and his emotions were too strong to control. He watched Nyota stand with her head in her hands, before sinking slowly to the floor, blinded by the turmoil he had just witnessed.


End file.
